The II Chronicle Of Mcyf12

2010-11-27T05:31:00.000+08:00

I am just going to say this once,

http://mcyf12.tumblr.com/

the end

2010-11-26T05:18:00.005+08:00

well hello to whoever bothers to read this site.

first, i must announce that the death of this site is imminent. Probably by 2011.

second, i did another concert, at bedok. yea, weird place. but we had U-KISS. some really popular korean boyband that you will go "U who?" in 1-2 years time.

and the last thing.... i am going to Hong Kong for the rest of 2010.

i am going there to do laser. That's right, laser.

no, i did not suddenly learn how to use them. I am going to learn how to use laser in HK.

no, its not a training course. it's a pitch for Andy Lau's concert. I might even go on tour with him next year if all goes well.

yes, it means i have to figure out how to use the program in 2 weeks, although an ang mo will come down and do the basic set-up and training for 9 days.

I been sitting thru the dvd tutorial to prepare myself, man, i pity the fellow who had to create it. Every breathe he took was a sigh of boredom. (in case u missed it, i am showing my brilliant command of english again here. 'sigh of boredom', see how u could replace it with 'sign'? but coz i was using the word 'breathe' earlier, it gives the word an extra twist? and if u read it out loud, hear how it rhythms.... okok, its 5.25am, i am sorry.)

What i am trying to say is that watching the dvd was like watching paint dry. although i did learn a lot of useful stuff.

anyway, whatever it is, i will be gone for a really really stressful time. hope i can have fun still, like the fun kind of stress, where u kinda know everything will be ok. instead of the 'everyone is shouting at you coz they sense that it's not going to happen' kind of stress.

o ya, i quit the lighting ministry.

that's it. the greatest eulogy you will ever hear. 9 years of being in it and i can't even be assed to talk about my leaving. that about sums up everything. i am not even happy or sad about it, feel indifference. and that make it extra sad in a way i guess.

(short prediction time - chc lighting will be given over to external party to manage - long term or short term, i dunno. - in the next 5 years.)

so yea, its a week of ending a lot of stuff i guess. here's hoping for bigger and better beginnings.

"It's weird...you know the end of something great is coming, but you want to hold on, just for one more second...just so it can hurt a little more"

Jan Denise

Lights

2010-11-11T01:32:00.002+08:00

harlo blog,

i am here to just unload a bit of the excitement of the last week.

I just did a concert.

A real concert. Not those half-past six, non-professional-standard rubbish that schools and churches like to do .

Held at the Singapore Indoor Stadium (SIS), it was a masterful performance by the veteran singer Sammi Cheng.

Everyone from the age of 25-40 knows who she is and has heard her songs before, having seen her up close and personal, i must say she really is a great performer.

She's 38 this year and yet she belts out songs and moves to dance that can match the energy level of any 20 year old pop star.

I wasn't the main programmer of course, that was mr Javier Tan. He was the lighting engineer for the show, and is another big-name lighting designer in the events/concert world.

i learned a lot from observing and working with him.

First of all, i have to say, it's really not easy to do a concert, it's damn exhausting. we worked 16 hrs first day, then 36hrs non-stop after that.

The concentration and mental strength really got to be there. You simply can't slow down, everything moves at a million miles an hour when you are sitting in the programmer seat. No one gives you any slack, everyone expects you to know exactly what you're doing.

I was more than a little stressed by mr Javier.

Although he controlled all the movers on the main rig, i still had 51 movers out on the audience truss, all the generics on stage, hazers, LED pars, a star cloth, three mirror-balls and two lasers to take care of.

He would spend hours programming one song, turn to me, show it to me once. Give me like 5 mins to program the cues, show it to me again, and expects me to know the cue points, then move on.

That's it. I had three chances to see each song. Once to mark cue, once to create cue, third time to practice. Then i didn't see it again till the full dress. Then it was show. I kept thinking to myself that Javier either had a lot of confidence in me, or he was insane.

having to work non-stop for 36 hours, at this kind breakneck speed, almost freaked me out. And i should mention that he wasn't very patient. If i didn't get it right the first time we tried the cues, he got slightly upset. he either think i am some kind of veteran programmer or i am a whizkid. Or maybe he's just used to working with capable people. I don't know. I felt damn stressed.

I guess i understand that we were working under an extremely tight schedule, but i really thought this was madness.

On the other hand, I do like working under pressure. That immense sense of pressure, where no one can help you, where you have to deliver, where you know thousands of people and dozens of really important people are watching you, where it's your career on the line, excites me to no end. i love to be in that situation, it's like drugs to me. Put me under pressure, and i will deliver, no way was i going to mess up at all.

At the end of the day, the concert went really well. I had like one or two wrong cues that was obvious, but that was it. The rest was just tiny little things that i think even Javier didn't notice. The even more important part was that I contributed in many ways. Like pushing up the appropriate lights in unrehearsed situation. Having innovative solution (the mirrorballs motor was on steroids, so javier had said, just don't use them. i came up with this cue that let it spin, stop, spin, stop. We used it in the show.)

I think I gave a good showing of myself, and proved that I can mix it at the top. I definitely didn't felt out of depth. In fact, i felt i belonged. It's the biggest and most stressful shows that excites me. Not sitting in a 500 seater theatre and doing shows that no one gives an ass about. I want the big concerts, the shows that newspaper report on, the names that anyone and everyone will know about.

On a side note, I also thoroughly enjoyed Sammi's performance. She has so many great songs, and is so energetic. And she is a very devoted Christian too. I think 1/5 of her songs were Christian songs. I was thinking, this is the real cultural mandate man, not the silly chest puffing nonsense the church ppl like to do. She felt genuine, just being who she was on stage. A real artist, a real entertainer, doing what she does best, and by just being herself, shows Christ to the world.

I am really glad she is not affliated to chc in anyway to be honest. It shows me that God is bigger and more real than just one church. That the gospel works even away from this one bunch of people. And that's the way it should be, not ALL the christian artist or entertainer should be from chc. It's Jesus Christ we worship, not freaking chc. (Yea, yea, i know it's my own church... I still don't like the way we do things.)

O ya, Her male BV was great too. An amazing vocalist. A Singaporean. I felt proud of him.

To end off, i think it's been a fruitful year, I have done F1, Sammi Cheng, NDR and a whole host of things. I really believe that I will be able to continue to push on to greater things, and it's only November, the year's not over yet.

I just finished reading Stevie G's autobiograghy, which was released in 2006. The one thing that i took away from the book was how incredibly hungry for success he was, and still is. How much he believed that he belonged on the world's biggest stage. I can completely empathise. It's this unquenchable desire to succeed, this insane drive inside of you, it's so strong that it almost hurts.

I don't talk about lighting much these days anymore. But the passion is still firmly there. It's never dimmed. I just been busy working on it.

I am hungry for more. I sincerely believe that I belong at the very top in lighting. Whether it be theatre or concert. I believe i will get there. And i will do anything and everything possible to ge there. Lighting is my obsession, and i will rise to the pinnacle of it.

2010-10-30T02:48:00.002+08:00

I can be rather cynical at times.

Ok, fine. Make that very cynical.

But I love my church and I love people. I think I love my family too.

I am not too big on the idea of marriage right now, coz i see a lot of negative examples around me, but I think I could love a woman one day.

I do love what I do, and I don't think of it as a job. I would really like to help more people around me get both education and employment.

I am blessed in many ways, but I have a lot more that I want too.

I think my pastor rocks.

I have more questions and doubts about the Bible and the church than probably your average atheist. But I am willing to accept that we don't always have all the answers, life isn't perfect and that God do work in mysterious ways.

I see people, who apply the principle of the Word that been taught in CHC, happier. Not always the happiest, not always the richest. But they really do seem to get more out of life. If nothing else, they are more at peace with themselves.

I would like to be more at peace with myself.

In spite of all that has happened, I think God loves me too.

I don't always show it, but I love God very much too.

I think tomorrow will be a better day.

So says Hope and all her maidens

2010-10-27T03:44:00.004+08:00

Night has rendered me with words impotent,

Staggering seconds pull me nearer to a dawn unawakened

Thanking the rain as it gives me courage to hide,

I find comfort from thoughts yet to be spoken,

It will be soon, it will be soon

So says Hope and all her maidens.

.

A friend lies on her bed, with her eyes wide open

While I seek the warmth of a dream with no vision

Iron-clad feet makes no discretion,

as to whom they owe their burden

It will be soon, it will be soon

So says Hope and all her maidens.

.

Smile too often and delight you may have forsaken,

The prerogative of the loved, is that they might be forgotten

I reach the terminal of what I can entreat

Even then, the words ring like a bell being beaten

It will be soon, it will be soon

So says Hope and all her maidens.

i am supposed to be writing

2010-10-10T23:00:00.003+08:00

harlo blog,

it's time for me to do some typing on here.

First of all, i been discovering lots of spammers on my cbox, which i have promptly removed, but it still kind of mystify me as to why my little read blog would get the attention of spammers." But to quote Tom Clancy, "The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense."

Which is a nice little lead up to what i want to talk about today. Fiction writing.

Now, as my avid readers (giggles) will know, I have been deluging myself into this weird and lonely world called fiction writing.

My first publication, Night Fell, made about as much impact as a raindrop on a rhino's hide, which is to say not much.

My second publication, The Door, did significantly better. Culminating in a download count of about 2600+ up till today.

I was encouraged greatly by the 'success' of my second work and was hoping to plough away and complete a much longer, more ambitious piece. Unfortunately, i was soon hit by a barrage of work that included Heritage Fest, Lasalle, UCC and F1. Not that I am complaining, the money is good, and of course F1 was great fun. But I will leave that for another post.

Now that I am finally free, or at least until the next project, I shall try and devote my time back to writing the 3rd story which I hope will blow the mind of whoever reads it. And said person will then proceed to bank transfer me all his/her money.

Ok, maybe the money transfering part ain't gonna happen. but i do hope the mind blowing part does.

And if you are wondering why I am blogging about all this, it's because I just opened my manuscript and the instant i looked at it, i decided to go write something else first. i am the master of self-distraction.

Ciao people, hope i can have a story published by the next time i blog.

I am sorry that I am

2010-09-22T13:01:00.003+08:00

"Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist." - George Carlin

2010-09-22T01:49:00.005+08:00

Hi.

I am on here to just unload a bit of how i feel.

Tomorrow marks the first day of my involvement with F1. It will definitely be an interesting event to do. I wonder if I will see any races or big name celebrity.

Well, this week marks another first for me - I visited a casino. In Indonesia.

It's actually advertised as a 'cruise'. So me, Joan and Eugene went there, after he convinced us there will be more than gambling on board, happily.

In the end, me and Joan was saying '我们被骗了'.

The miserably tiny ship is just a floating casino for uncles and aunties. Plus, it wasn't smoke free, so i think my life expectation has just been reduced by 10 years.

We also took part in the poker tournament, Eugene played both the main and side event, while i played the side.

I actually did quite well till i got so 'smoked out', literally, by all the second-hand smoke, that i just gave up.

To sum up the experience, I quote an alleged statement by Albert Einstein,

"You cannot beat a roulette table unless you steal money from it."

.

When i got back to Singapore, my sister decided to announce to us that she, her husband and her baby was moving back into our house because her husband found a job in woodlands and they still haven't get their flat.

Just imagine, 7 adults and a crying baby in a 4 room flat. How wonderful.

Naturally, my other sis and i were rather unhappy about this. But were given a lecture by a crying sister that we are now stuck up and unfeeling towards her. That so many people living together is not a 'problem' at all. That if we had suffered before, we would understand.

I felt like slapping her.

First of all, no one ever said no to her moving back. We are just unhappy. Now we can't even be unhappy about having to live with 3 more humans. Second of all, she's just being selfish and self-righteous. O, look my 'rich siblings are complaining about me moving back, I am going to sulk and hate them'. By the way, I am not rich and i don't recall her giving any money to help support our non-working parents at all.

It's not so much a case of me not caring about her, I just think that people need to stop being so dependent on their family. Why does everyone have to live together? People need space. I need space. I already hate the fact that I still have to live with my parents. And i hate the fact that my mum will absolutely go bonkers if i moved out. Someone need to tell her to let go.

Singaporeans need to be more independent.

I prefer the western way of people moving out on their own at 18. If housing wasn't so expensive in SG, I would have been long gone, and I actually think I would have been better for it.

But the situation as it is now, I think I probably have to get married to go anywhere. The pragmatism of it all. Love has died a long time ago.

Anyway, like it or not, she and her entire family will move back. That's for sure. I just have to figure out a way to live somewhere else till they get their flat in 6 - 9 months time.

So yes, I know i sound selfish, but one is entitled to his/her own quality of life. Why should I suffer for my sister? I am pretty sure she won't suffer for me.

I am a realist and I want to have my own life. Deal with it.

if I ever fell in love....

2010-09-14T01:33:00.005+08:00

It will most probably be with a friend.

It will be someone rather unexpected.

It will come at a weird time.

It would be someone quite different from me.

It will most likely be a rather slow process.

I probably won't realise it.

Let's talk about me

2010-09-10T14:53:00.004+08:00

Hello people,

i am back here to update on what's been happening.

First of all, I been busy, working show after show. Heritage fest was rather fun, with all the rock bands from the past, and Great Spy Experiment. Then we had all the Sg Pop ppl appearing. Last night was a snooze fest, with like a group of middle-aged man singing (really badly) in A Capella style. Then u had a bunch of aunties Scottish kilts and playing windpipes and all. Truly weird way to end.

Then we had National day rally, which was interesting, seeing the way PMO works. But no further comments shall be added here, as I do not want to get arrested. I love PAP; please don't shoot/arrest/sue me.

Then finally, I went to Lasalle to help out with the bump-in of the Spelling Bee musical. The director (who is supposed to have help directed Miss Saigon and Mama mia), Darren Yap was rather nice and seemed to know his stuff. And once again, for one reason or another, I ended up as the unofficial 'mentor' to the lighting designer, who happens to be Petrina dawn tan this time round. I thought it wasn't a terribly impressive musical, and it definitely ain't happy, which the director keep insisting it was. I thought it was more of a satire of how much pressure, expectation and pain parents put upon their children thru their demands and general selfish and irresponsible behaviour.

In between all of this, I been listening to Eminem's new album, Recovery. I think it's a great album and that he has retained his style but yet grown more mature in his music. My two fav track is Love the way you lie feat Rihanna, and Almost Famous. But features female vocalist singing the hook/chorus, and i absolutely love that. Love the way you lie( where Rihanna did a great job btw) is always going to be more popular, even if i think Almost Famous is a better song technically. Coz of a few simple reason. 1. Rihanna. 2. Sexy sexy Megan Fox in the music video. 3. It's just more relatable.

O ya, My short story, The Door has hit 1200 over downloads, and is, at the time of writing, in the top ten "New and Popular" category on Feedbook. I been getting lots of cheap thrills from checking on it daily and seeing the downloads grow... hahaha.

After all of this, I went to Jerry's place to get my 3rd tattoo started. It's going to be a fun piece to do, but doubt that most people will ever see it, since it's on my back. It's really expensive too, but o well, i guess you can't put a price on art.

that's about it. As a parting comment till my next blog post, I shall repeat on here what i said to a vegetarian fren who been telling me that she want to help to save the world by not eating meat - When the world goes down, I am going with it.

Love.

The Door

2010-08-18T22:29:00.003+08:00

A brand new short story by yours truly. It's something different.

READ IT... please...

http://www.feedbooks.com/userbook/14988

Publishing online

2010-08-16T14:47:00.002+08:00

Hi,

if you been reading the blog, you should know i been getting more into writing recently. So here's my first published work.

http://www.feedbooks.com/userbook/14938

Do support!

I am disgusted

2010-08-15T22:11:00.003+08:00

If a pastor's son inherit the role of the senior pastor just because of who his father is, then this family has turned the mandate of God into nothing more than a joke, and the church into their personal playground. Christianity, as a religion, disgusts me so often, that I don't blame Anne Rice for denouncing it.

And no, i still believe in God and everything, but when you look, study, think and examines everything this bunch of people has taught throughout history and even modern society, you cease to blame people for abandoning this faith for all the nonsense and revolting behaviour we have exhibited.

Walking

2010-08-07T06:49:00.001+08:00

Walking with God for life,

is about as easy as walking in a desert with no end in sight

Walking with God in faith,

is about as simple as not panicking when the ship sinks

Walking with God excited (all the time).

is about the same as getting thrilled each day when the bus arrives

.

Walking with God requires my eyes,

to be secondary to what my heart believes

Walking with God restricted,

my options of doing whatever I pleased

Walking with God will find,

me holding unto hope when hope should have died

.

So perhaps I should not be surprised,

Walking with God means a step at a time,

a life in a lifetime.

Writing and all it's perils

2010-08-04T04:24:00.004+08:00

You know, when i decided on embarking on this writing thing, i didn't envisioned it as being so difficult.

Writing a thousand words a day is quite literally killing my brain cells. The words escaping my head via my hands are doing drive-by shooting, and the innocent bystanders are my brain cells.

So I cheated a little. Instead of writing continuously on one story, I now have 1 flash fiction, 1 short story, 1 novel and 1 i-am-not-sure-what-it-will-be-yet story going. O, and a poem too.

All at the same time.

This allows me to just jump over from one story to another after i have typed approximately two hundreds words in one story. That said, I am mainly focusing on the short story and i hope i can get it up to at least 3-4000 words. It looks like it's going to end around the 2000 words mark for now, but I will try.

Anyway, that's all the ranting i will do for now. Good bye.

.

They sat on the floor, I had a chair, fifty seven-year-old-eyes gazed up at me. 'When I was your age, people told me not to make things up,' I told them. 'These days, they give me money for it.'

Extract from an interview with Neil Gaiman.

writings

2010-07-31T21:57:00.002+08:00

Recently, i have decided that since i have so much spare time on my hands, i am going to spend more time writing.

Not just writings songs, but actually writing poems, proses and even a novel.

I guess i have always wrote, but i just haven't took it seriously before. But now that i think about it, i actually do enjoy writing quite abit.

My English ain't the best around, but hey, the internet is a wonderful aid.

So yes, you will probably see alot more writings coming out of me on Facebook and maybe around here.

O ya, I am also trying to revive my old blog called "writingsofmcyf12.blogspot.com". It contains quite abit of stuff i wrote before, but i deleted it a few years back. If anyone can help me recover it, i will be eternally grateful.

26

2010-07-22T00:50:00.000+08:00

it's my 26 birthday.

I am in a, "well, it's my birthday, but life is pretty much the same ain't it?" mood.

so, ya well, happy birthday Michael Chan.

we don't remember days, we remember moments

2010-07-15T01:32:00.004+08:00

I have concluded a few things:

1. I am miserable doing horrible shows that don't mean anything to me.

2. I want to be doing shows, musicals especially, that appeals to me and ones which i am deeply involved in.

3. Theatre or rather art, don't make money.

4. I need money to do anything worthwhile in life.

5. I should open up a non-profit organization and get sponsors to fulfill my dreams, and those of others.

Suddenly I thought....

2010-06-20T03:31:00.003+08:00

我想一辈子和你一起走，好吗？

I would like to walk with You for the rest of my life....

A blog that's been rather neglected...

2010-06-09T02:50:00.002+08:00

I have been suffering from some mild insomnia recently and decided to go thru my old post here. As it turned out, i found comments dated 2009 abt the Sunshine Empire thing way back in 2007... someone commented tt my prophesy abt them going burst in one year time came true and seem rather surprised (see, i always tell everyone that NOBODY believes that i am a prophet...).

But anyway, it's been interesting to read post from 3 years ago. I think I have grown as a person.

The older i get, the less i blog it seems. And the quality of the blogs has definitely went down. I used to write stuff that's rather poetic in nature. My English seems to have deteriorated slightly as well... hmm... o, well, need to try and polish it up abit then.

I am pretty sure that not much ppl (if any) actually visit this site anymore, probably due to fact that i seldom blog, and even if i do, it's short entries. I blame Facebook, haha.

Well, I think if you were suddenly deeply interested in the type of person that I am, this site would be very helpful. But then, I would rather you meet me face to face, unless ur a creepy weird0....

.

Now, some updates on my current life. I would put my current state of life as "initial building stage" right now. That's right, i am only just beginning to build. What about all the years before now? "Foundational" period.

I am working alot with/for Roy Chooi. he's one of the more well-known Singapore Lighting designer/engineer. If i am not wrong, he's the one and only Singaporean to have design both National day and SEA Games. All by the young age of 37. He is now 38 and owns a thriving company called Highlight Systems.

I am pretty glad that he seems to like me and is bringing me around. Not just for the money, but also the exposure and experience that comes with the projects he brings. Ever since the SEA Games, I have done quite abit of work for him, the more notable shows being Helix bridge opening and CNBC studio set-up in SGX.

Some elderly TV lighting director (Eugene Seah) commented that Roy is a capable young man. I hadn't really thought of him that way before. To me he was just one of those guys that I felt i needed to catch up with. Now that i think about, Mr. Seah is right, Roy is rather young for all that he has achieved. But well, that just means I have to continue to improve if i want to reach his standards.

Personally, I don't think I would mind if i became another "Roy Chooi" in 10 years time (alot of ppl seems to think I am his disciple... hmm, in a very informal and unofficial way i guess you could call me that, i have learned alot from him).

But what my heart really wants is to produce my own shows. Musicals. Shows that can heal ppl, touch them, encourage them and make them laugh. I have come to realize that life is hard most of the time and ppl don't really want to go to a theater and be "challenged", "forced to think" or "question". In Singapore , and i suspect most of the world, ppl just want to be entertained.

Now, that doesn't mean i support the pop entertainment industry wholeheartedly, but it means that i am beginning to see that Art doesn't have to be very chiam or weird. it shd speak to ppl. It shd relate to them. And i would like ppl to understand my art too.

So yes, I want to create art and art that ppl can relate to. Even be entertained by. I want ppl to come into a show of mine, be entertained, laugh, have fun and yet be touched. Maybe even reflect on themselves as an afterthought. I want them to hear music and songs that are beautiful and touching. See images that are beautiful and creates a long-lasting impression... i want ppl to want to come to my shows.

maybe it will take 20 years, or even more, but i hope i can do it. I still want to be a successful Lighting designer/engineer, but i hope i can do my own shows too. It can be done. It will be done.

.

At this point, i realize that i don;t talk about God that much in my posts anymore. Guess with the whole process of building my life and working, I can't keep thinking about theology. I still love God and CHC, but i think in terms of feelings, things has cooled alittle bit. Hey, I am always honest with God and i think He appreciates it.

I am trying to know God and experience Him as an adult instead of some wide-eyed kid now. Things are really very different and people really do change when they enter adulthood. But if the faith i believe in and the God i believe in can't take the test of time and reality, well, it's better that i find out now. But i am pretty sure that's alot more in this relationship then just the last 12 years.

Ok, long enough post. Tomorrow I am going to get my touch-up on my tattoos and start discussion about my third one. Excited!

Awesome quotes by Will Rogers

2010-05-30T01:50:00.002+08:00

A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.

A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.

Anything important is never left to the vote of the people. We only get to vote on some man; we never get to vote on what he is to do.

Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches.

Do the best you can, and don't take life too serious.

Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

If you want to be successful, it's just this simple. Know what you are doing. Love what you are doing. And believe in what you are doing.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.

People's minds are changed through observation and not through argument.

Chaotic action is preferable to orderly inaction.

Estella

2010-04-01T01:02:00.001+08:00

On this day my niece was born.

Eye

2010-03-22T00:29:00.002+08:00

I am a sucker for musicals.

I would like to move out.

I want my own life.

I am a washed out Christian, but i am still here.

I am a cockroach.

I want to do alot more then just lights.

I don't hate anyone, I am just cynical of everyone.

I would like to be more fulfilled.

I want greater career success.

I want to earn twice as much as I am earning now next year.

I don't bear grudges against people.

I love people more then I show it.

I like hugs and touchy people - My second language of love is physical touch.

I want to become Asia's version of Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Another lonely CNY/Valentine day

2010-02-16T04:36:00.003+08:00

Hi all,

it's 4;47am and i am watching Blood+, up to episode 39. It also happens to be CNY day 2 (or you can call it "the day after Valentine's Day"). Which means i am once again stuck at home doing nothing.

Going back to the vampire anime, its actually really getting on my nerves now, there's only another 11 episode to go and the main heroine is still illogically weak and hesitant about everything. Ok, i know animes hero/heroine is like that 90% of the time, but this anime started well and the story was developing nicely. So it's really rather disappointing to see the series get stuck in terms of character development.

Anyway, the reason why i can (un)happily stay at home and watch animes till the wee hours of the night is because this is a slow month for me. When i say slow, i mean there is no jobs what so ever, which isn't the end of the world as i had earned quite abit the last 6 months. But it is a wake up call for me - my income fluctuate too much, i can be earning alot and then next to nothing in the space of a week. Money management is the most important skill i gotta learn now.

Not sure if anyone else has noticed it, but 2010 doesn't seems to have got going at all.... I still feel like everyone's in a rather lethargic mood, hmm, maybe it's just me.

Just give me shows and i will live

2010-01-26T22:44:00.004+08:00

i have confirmed once and for all that i really hate doing academic work. I am going to stick to doing music, lighting and live productions. Thank you.

2010 is here

2010-01-04T22:43:00.004+08:00

Hello,

i am talking to myself again, but well, it's the first monday of the year and i got nothing to do.

I think blogging is starting to fade as a trend, not much ppl do it anymore, or rather, take it seriously anymore.

I think i blog coz i just need an outlet to talk about things. You know, to keep myself from going insane when i am alone. Writing in a blog is like putting a note into a bottle and casting it into the sea; you never know if anyone is actually going to pick it up and see it.

I think 2010 is going to be an important year for me. I am 26 and i need to build a strong foundation in my career, so that when i hit 30, i can start to expand, rather then to build and maintain.

Spiritually, its the same, its all about maintaining and building upon your relationship with God and people. I am going to be in church for 12 years come this march. I have seen alot of people come and go. Leaders, members, rich and poor - all sorts. I guess it's only natural, though its sad at time.

All of my friends seems to be moving on, getting married, buying cars and even having children. I think i have moved on as well, i am working full time now and not doing that bad. But of course I am young, and i got alot more i want to accomplish. I am prepared to work very hard, humble myself and learn. I really don't want to look back 5, 10 years from now and wonder about what could have been.

O ya, i am getting a second tattoo. Now just the outline is done, but its looking great. It's costing me a bomb, but i think for something permanent, i don't mind spending. Will upload the pics once its completed in another week.

Nothing much else to talk about, happy 2010, to whoever decided to pick up this "bottle" i threw into the vast ocean of human souls online.

Laos and Cosplay

2009-12-28T11:24:00.003+08:00

hello, its been a month since i blogged and suddenly, the year is ending.

Quite abit of stuff have happened in this one month, i went to Vientiane and a few other cities in southern Laos. I also popped over to Udon Thani in nearby Thailand for a day.

Going to SEA games was an interesting experience. I actually learned quite abit of things from Roy, the lighting designer. But overall, the show in itself wasn't that hard to do.

It's weird you know, it's not so much about what you did as to how glamorous the job is. People seems to think more highly of me now that i did SEA game.

Of course the event is a major thing, the whole of Laos seems to be absorbed into this one event. There were stickler everywhere, people talked about it, watched all the games on tv and t-shirts and stuff were being sold everywhere. The country were genuinely excited by the whole thing.

I wondered how Singaporeans will act when its our turn to host it. 90% of us will probably just let it pass us by without caring much.

Anyway, like i said, we also went to visit southern Laos. Apparently, the minister of culture and arts were so happy with the job we did that he sponsored a trip to the south to visit all the scenic places.

I think we went to pakse or something. We stayed at a 5-start hotel beside a river(the view was nice). And we visited Vat Phu, this UNESCO heritage sit. Its really a Hindu-converted-Buddhist temple on top of a mountain. The view was nice and it was kind of interesting to climb up the really steep stairs. I even touched a 500 year old tree.

On the same day, we rushed over to this waterfall that the government people seem rather insistent on us visiting. It was nice, i think it's the first real waterfall that i have seen. But somehow i didn't felt really overwhelmed by it.

And of course, i have to fall sick during the trip. in fact, i was sick the day before the trip. But i thought, what the heck, i will just go for it.

There's alot more i could talk about i guess, like the roadside shops and dried frogs they had. But i feel rather tired of talking about Laos. I dunnoe, i just kind of want to move on to new things.

Which does bring me to my next event. After I got back on Mon, i got a call on tues to ask if i could do a show on Sat. Being the workaholic i am, i said yes.

It turned out to be this cosplay event called EOY(literally means End of Year, don't ask me why) 2009. It was actually quite fun. I have never seen or been to a cosplay event before, so it was kind of like an eye opener. And they had all these local bands that sang japanese songs, which in itself is rather surprising.

The highlight of the whole show was this jap artist named Yui Makino, going by the reaction of the crowd, she seems to be a rather big star. She played some songs on the piano and sang. Wasn't too bad, one song in particular, Amurita, was really nice.

With the organizer, host and Xtron people all from chc, it felt a little bit like a chc event. I should really coin a term for events like these. Done by people from chc, but a non-chc related event. Call it Sub-chc event or something.

Anyway, that's about it. I am trying very hard to recover from a second bout of sickness (flu) Think my body is trying to tell me to stop and rest. And i really think i need to. After this week, i am going to Vietnam again in the first week of January. O well, here's to health and a hectic life.

I do not remember who I am

2009-11-26T05:56:00.003+08:00

I sense no light

I hear no silence

Everything is hidden in plain sight

The darkness does not embrace; it engulfs

When the night I call friend

The sun forbids my name

Am I lost, or am I treading in agony, upon the swamps of destiny

I must continue, but for what reason

I am beginning to forget

My soul awaits, as my will abates

May God be my guide

May God be my light

I been working very hard

2009-11-08T23:54:00.002+08:00

i am back blogging. After a really long break.

It's becoming increasing difficult for me to motivate myself to blog, think i am getting lazy to even write my thoughts down.

Well, I been feeling rather overworked recently, but that's good. I mentioned in my previous post that I was getting desperate for work - now i am getting desperate for rest. Hahahaha.

But really, i rather be working non-stop then to be slacking away.

Like i said, i been working alot recently. And the events i done has been filled with some of the so-called "big-names".

I did a show for NAC and the Korean Embassy. Some cultural festival thingy. I felt was more of roja show to be honest. Just randomly piece chinese, malay and indian traditional art form together and present.

But hey, its NAC at UCC. So u can see and i can see, that this show is a masterpiece. hehehe.

(the sentence above is proof that i should get away from Eugene)

I didn't had much time to work on the rig and all, coz it was a shared rig. And the Koreans were king in this show. so i ended up using whatever leftover lights i was given, the best part was that i had a total of 2 hours to program the 40 minutes show, while they was doing sound check.

But i think i did enough to impress, the director and the rental company guy got my number and said they would look for me if they need LD or programmer. It feels good to have ppl ask u for contact, hahaha.

Next up was a totally unexpected trip to Hanoi, Vietnam. I was asked by Showtec boss on friday night if i was free to fly off on Sat. Which was never going to happen. So in the end, i flew off on mon.

Once i got there, i realized that the show that i was asked to do programming for is the Asian Indoors Games (never hear before right? I think its the poor cousin of the SEA games) opening ceremony. Located in the 50k seater My Dinh stadium.

And it was a rather sian experience to be honest, the whole trip was work non-stop and breathing in second-hand smoke non-stop. I seriously think that if i worked in events full-time, i will die of lung cancer.

But still, i learned quite abit of stuff and met interesting people. So SEA games, in Laos, might be my next stop, but that depends on whether the boss feels like paying me what i am asking for. But o well, i don't really care if i get the job(coz i think the work is sian) , it's just that it looks good on my resume. That's about it.

After i returned from hanoi, the very next day i was back at work, then the next week i was in Espanade doing Henderson secondary school's anniversary concert at Esplanade concert hall.

This was another interesting experience. People talked about the Esplanade like machiam it's the holy grail of Singaproe theatre. But the truth is, the crew and standard ain't that impressive.

*Warning - Lighting geek talk involved in the next paragraph.

First of all, i had a 10 deg ETC lens that was causing a dark spot. So i asked the lighting crew. he say "o, ya, i think bulb, we will change." So i happily went to lunch. After i returned, lo and behold, it's still the same. So i asked again. And he say, "o, we changed alr, dunnoe why still so dark". So i decided to check the lights one by one.

I realized that, the lights shining at the dark spot was covering twice the size of the other lights. And since the 10 deg is a fixed size lens. I pointed it out to the tech. He " o ya hor, we never realized. Think is lens spoilt." ok, that was the point i realized this person was bullshiting me all the way. He just wasnt interested in fixing anything.

So i asked if they got spare lens or lights. And he said NO,the WHOLE of ESPLANADE does not have a SINGLE spare 10 deg ETC.

And that is just the lighting side of the horror story. I won't go into details about the grand piano with a SPOILT key, that was only discovered when the pianist STARTED playing on stage.

Wow. The premium art venue in Singapore huh?

But on a personal basis, i once again had the shiok experience of having first the Esplanade events and venue executive ( a lady) asking for my namecard, then the school hired SM asking me for name card. Both seemed impressed by what i was able to produce. Shiokness. This is called ego food.

Anyway, currently I am working as technical manager for one of Lasalle's shows.

It's really funny you know, coz the current batch of students are all my ex-classmate. And now, I am hired as the TM, so they have to listen to me. hahaha. Work so hard on academic result for what, work harder on learning skill and ability (and that includes PR and wayang skills) that will get you employment.

But i think the difference between me in Lasalle now, and me in Lasalle as a student is that now i get paid to learn things. hahaha. Although there's alot of stress ad bitching around, i am actually learning alot about staging and how to be a TM. I also get to see and meet alot of very interesting and experienced people, which is all good for me.

At the very same time. I am also wrapping up my commitment to FCBC: I been doing their service lighting in Expo for the last 3-4 months. And to be honest, i have totally lost interest alr, so the lighting cues been the same for about two months. hahaha. But now i am going to stop doing lights for them by mid-Nov.

Still, i am being kind to them, helping to teach and hand over to one of their volunteer. FCBC is actually a good, solid church, just that the people is a little dull, and well, not very zai. But their doctrine and foundation is actually pretty good and i think that's the more important thing.

For some reason, i am starting to experience doubts about my own ability. I know it sounds stupid after all the good experience i had in the last two months. But suddenly i am having some deep and hidden sense of insecurity crawling into my mind and heart about whether i am actually good enough to make it big in this line. I don't know, maybe i am just experiencing fatigue.

I wish i have time for holiday or even a girlfriend, but i think the hope of me finding someone is getting slimmer by the day. With my kind of life and schedule, it will take a very special girl (or a really dumb one) to be able to understand and accept me.

Ok, unload time over. Time to go back to work.

Our God Reigns

2009-10-01T03:49:00.000+08:00

Our God Reigns

40 million babies lost to Gods great orphanage,
It’s a modern day genocide and a modern day disgrace
If this is a human right then why aren’t we free?
The only freedom we have is in a man nailed to a tree.

100 million faces, staring at the sky,
Wondering if this HIV will ever pass us by.
The devil stole the rain and hope trickles down the plug,
But still my Chinese take away could pay for someone’s drugs.

Our God reigns, Our God reigns,
Forever your kingdom reigns.

The west has found a gun and it’s loaded with ‘unsure’
Nip and tuck if you have the bucks in a race to find a cure.
Psalm one hundred and thirty nine is the conscience to our selfish crime,
God didn’t screw up when he made you,
He’s a father who loves to parade you.

Yes he reigns, yes you reign, yes you reign,
For there is only one true God,
But we’ve lost the reins on this world,
Forgive us all, forgive us please,
As we fight for this broken world on our knees.

Written by Delirious? ©2005 Curious? Music UK

Do or die

2009-08-28T23:53:00.003+08:00

One month changes alot of things.

In July, I was happily, busily working away. I started in April and the rush period ended on a high. After the very last production, i went for a 3D 2N kelong trip, followed by watching Liverpool at the SIS.

Then came my reservist for a week. Where I got charged and fined $50 for not taking my IPPT for a second time. At least I didnt had to go RT because I cleared it during the ICT.

After the ICT, i was glad to learn that there would only be 2-3 school shows for the week, it gave me time to rest and recuperate.

Then there was nothing.

Days and weeks without work began to bypass me at an alarming rate. So I decided to take the time to do up my online portfolio.

But i still had a copious amount of time to waste away. So i tried my best to fill it up by meeting up with friends, watching movies ( I watched the entire LOTR extended version of 11hrs plus 2-3 other movies) and writing music.

I can't take doing nothing, i had a very traumatic experience of doing nothing for one whole year after my 'O' levels and I vowed that I will never let myself waste away like that again.

During that dark period of meaninglessness in my life, what finally rescued me was when God used me to pioneer the lighting ministry in CHC. That changed my life. Now I hope that God will do the same again.

I do have something coming up and it is probably my last shot at fighting the slave system (also called Full Time employment, where you get peanuts for helping to make some guys you don't know rich). I pray and hope that this time round, God will also bring me on a life-changing experience like 8 years again.

Sigh...

2009-08-12T03:05:00.004+08:00

Ok, let me admit a few things first:

1. I have never had a gf.

2. I have no idea how to tell when a girl is playing hard to get. I normally think to myself, "o, she's not interested, lets not irritate her".

3. That's probably why I never had a girlfriend.

Now, let me say that I am not an anti-social person, not am I low on EQ. But I have realized that I am horrifyingly bad at reading a girl's mind(which is a very very bad thing).

The fact that i have an abnormally high sensitivity for other people's opinion and free will means that, the moment i think the person does not want me around, I will stop contacting the person (which is a very very very bad thing at times)

At the end of this rather short and depressing post (which it always is when it comes to the topic of my love life), I shall concur that I suck at dating. The only consolation i have is that; I tend to like to be alone. (Cue sad violin music playing and a single spotlight on me)

I'm not afraid to die I'm not afraid to live And when I'm flat on my back I hope to feel like I did

2009-07-21T00:02:00.003+08:00

I just realised something today.

I am a very busy man.

My schedule is packed from Mon - Sun almost every week. I have to rush off from one place to another constantly. Even when I am out with friends, I have to take calls and talk about work.

I like a fast-paced life.

But I am starting to think that I need a slight adjustment of balance, or I will become of those people that were there physically but not mentally or emotionally.

.

On a side note, I think my career is going rather well, I am working hard, earning money and building for the future. I am not satisfied at all, because there can be so much more. I wan a $100K in assets by the time I am 30. Its do-able.

I would like to start a family too, get married and all, but o well. Sometimes fate plays a part too. Not that I am not looking, but haven't found anyone yet.

I want to move forward, upwards and God-wards. I want to be successful, famous and godly. And God willing, it will happen.

Chiong ah!!!!!!

The evil of silence

2009-07-07T18:32:00.004+08:00

I was looking for the Renaissance City Report when i came across the Wikipedia entry about our deceased President, Mr Ong Teng Cheong. It lead me to the shocking discovery that he is the only President that not accorded a State Funeral in the history of our nation.

I remember as a kid that I often saw him appeared on TV and all the adults spoke admirably about him.

Some of his noted achievement includes:

Pushing for the MRT system -

Mr Ong's firm belief in the MRT system clearly demonstrated his vision in that the system would be a new dimension in urban mobility. It has to be noted that there have been tough resistance to the MRT system due to the large capital involved. And the existing cheaper mode of transport (via the bus system) was strongly proposed as an alternative to the MRT system.

As Secretary-General of NTUC -

In January 1986, Mr Ong sanctioned a strike when the management in the shipping industry was taking advantage of the workers. Mr Ong did not inform the Cabinet about sanctioning the strike, as he believed that 'they would otherwise probably stop him from doing so'. The strike only lasted two days and all the issues were settled by then. It was shown that the management was just trying to pull a fast one.

In the Arts -

As the President, Mr Ong was also concerned with the less fortunate in society as well as the promotion of arts and culture. He initiated several events such as the President's Star Charity and the President's Charity Art Exhibition and Concert.

Reading up on him, i realised how great a fellow he really was. Despite being a PAP man, he dared to stood up against policies and practises that was basically a show of tyranny.

I mean, the PAP decied to give more power to the President, why? So that just in case the opposition formed the majority in government one day, they can't anyhow spend the reserves to "win votes".

But when the late Mr Ong decided to check on the reserves he is supposed to protect, the government refuses to co-operate. And in a short number of years, reduced his power. Why? Nobody really knows now do we. All we know is that the PAP had expected a watchdog that would roll over when they asked it to, not someone who actaully demanded accountability and visibility.

I think our country, our church and the world needs alot more people like Mr Ong. Then perhaps the horrible sex scandals involving the Roman Catholic church would not happened. Same with WWII Germany, Hitler rose to power because the German people let him.

I sincerely believed that unchecked power will always become corrupted power.

The church is not evil, the government is not evil. But keeping silence when the authorities are wrong is evil.

Links to check out:

http://www-cgi.cnn.com/ASIANOW/asiaweek/96/1122/nat7.html

http://www.yawningbread.org/arch_2005/yax-444.htm

I am weird?

2009-06-08T21:50:00.002+08:00

Ok ppl,

i am actually going to blog. Not that much ppl read my blog, but i just decided to.

I think i am considered weird by quite alot of ppl.

Gladys first mentioned it during SOT, and i tot it was just her. Then Kai and Dawn mentioned it during the ACE festival.

Now that i tot about, lots of ppl has said that to me.

So now i know why i dun fit into the system, whether in school, church or pretty much society at large. I am considered weird.

But anyway, that was just a really pointless indepth analysis of what others been telling me.

.

I am trying to think of an alternative career path for myself. Other then being a lighting designer, or songwriter you know. Maybe i should try and be a singer, you never know, with a few plastic surgery and some vocal training, i could be the next big hit.

Or maybe i can consider being writer. or a toilet repairman, or a porn star.

Hmm...

.

I hope to start a soccer team to join Harvest league. I really really want to be playing competitive soccer on a regular basis. I think those things make a real man out of you. Its rough, tough and bloody, haha.

Now i have a grand total of 3 interested party from CHC, i need a minimum of 10 CHC members and 5 unchurched team members, so if anyone is actually interested, do let me know.

.

Ok, that's about it for my nonsense blogging, Ciao.

Queen of Light

2009-05-19T05:53:00.003+08:00

The loneliness calls and the wind will answer

The darkness embraces and the heart is embroiled

The feeling stays away, and I am wide awake,

May the queen of light find me,

In the morning of the dying day

And the world is drunk, a run of the colors just for fun

An inch or a nail, we know not what we choose

In finite time, a grasp of indefinitely crimes

Hope has to be, a melody of some kind

When I look at the world

2009-05-16T14:03:00.003+08:00

When I Look at the World - U2

When you look at the world
What is it that you see
People find all kinds of things
That bring them to their knees

I see an expression
So clear and so true
That changes the atmosphere
When you walk to the room

So I try to be like you
Try to feel it like you do
But without you its no use
I cant see what you see
When I look at the world

When the night is someone elses
And youre trying to get some sleep
When your thoughts are too expensive
To ever want to keep

When theres all kinds of chaos
And everyone is walking lame
You dont even blink now do you
Dont even look away

So I try to be like you
Try to feel it like you do
But without you its no use
I cant see what you see
When I look at the world

I cant wait any longer
I cant wait til Im stronger
Cant wait any longer
To see what you see
When I look at the world

Im in the waiting room
I cant see for the smoke
I think of you and your holy book
When the rest of us choke

Tell me tell me
What do you see
Tell me tell me
Whats wrong with me

The song is about a person's faith being troubled by tragedy. It has been described by Bono as being told from "the point of view of someone who is having a crisis of faith looking at someone who has built their house upon the rock"

Who is like God?

2009-05-06T11:08:00.001+08:00

Michael is a given name that comes from the Hebrew: מִיכָאֵל / מיכאל‎ (Mikha'el), meaning "Who is like God?

It's been bugging me

2009-04-24T01:50:00.001+08:00

I actually find myself thinking more and more about it...

hmm...

Weird...

Maybe I should just try.

For Our 96 Unforgotten Fellow Reds

2009-04-15T22:18:00.005+08:00

On 15th April 1989, the deadliest sports disaster in British, and and one of the worse in international football history occurred - The Hillsborough Disaster.

On this fateful day 20 years ago, 96 Liverpool supporter's lives were taken away from them, in fact, crushed out of them.

I am neither from Britain nor was I presented at the disaster. But i am related to the 96 victim by one common thing: We are all Liverpool fans.

And speaking as a Liverpool fan from halfway around the world, I would like to let the families and friends of the victims know that the club they supports is special.

Special not because we are 18 times English Champions, nor because we are 5 times Europe Champions. But because we are a club that does not understand the meaning of giving up.

No other club in the world can have fans that will still be singing even when their team is 3-0 down in the Champions League finals in 2005. No other fans will sing even when the team are losing and all hopes seems to be lost.

But then again, no other club in the world can pull off as many miracles as Liverpool. Other then the famous victory in Istanbul, Liverpool has scored 8 winning goals in as many matches during injury time this season. We are known, famously and accurately, as a miracle making club.

We are a club that believes that hope can never be lost and that it is never too late to do something to make things right.

They say that you never write Liverpool off in any match. And that's because we are a club who fight in every match every inch, every second of the way.

In the same way, let us hope and continue to fight for the justice that must be served to the 96 one day.

But not only must we fight for justice, we must learn the most important lesson of all, and that is the value of life. A smile, a look and a warm touch are all precious things that can only be felt while we are still here.

No other clubs understand this truth better then Liverpool. A club whose anthem is unique in the world. An anthem that does not brag about their "glory" or their achievements. An anthem that promises you only one thing.

From a person only bonded to the 96 souls and their families by the Red blood running in our veins:

You Will Never Walk Alone

I am in love with Shawn Colvin

2009-04-14T13:18:00.001+08:00

Please no more therapy
Mother take care of me
Piece me together with a
Needle and thread
Wrap me in eiderdown
Lace from your wedding gown
Fold me and lay me down
On your bed
Or liken me to a shoe
Blackened and spit-shined through
Kicking back home to you
Smiling back home
Singing back home to you
Laughing back home to you
Dragging back home to you

I was so wary then
The ugly American
Thinner than oxygen
Tough as a whore
I said you can lie to me
I own what's inside of me
And nothing surprises me anymore
But forests in Germany
Kids in the Tuileries
Broken-down fortresses
In old Italy
And claiming his victory
Shrouded in mystery
He went running away with me

Back in our home New York
Walking these streets forlorn
We all in our uniforms
Black and black
Doing that slouch and jive
The artist must survive
We've got all we need we cried
And we don't look back
Thinking we had it made
Poised for the hit parade
Knee deep in accolades
The conceptual pair
But ever the malcontent
He left without incident
Vanished into thin air

Now I am always amazed
Words can fill up a page
Pages fill up the days
Between him and me
But the vows that we never keep
From bedrooms to business-speak
Make me remember how cheap
Words can be
And the letters I wrote you of
Were those of the desperate stuff
Like begging for love in a suicide threat
But I am too young to die
Too old for a lullaby
Too tired for life on the ledge

But I had a dream last night
Of lovers who walked the plank
Out on the edge of time
Amidst ridicule
They laughed as they rocked and reeled
Over the mining fields
Coming to rest on this ship of fools
But he just took Polaroids
Of her smile in the light
Of the dawn of the menacing sky
And before they went overboard
She turned and held up a card
And it said Valentine

Twitter is dumb

2009-04-07T17:18:00.003+08:00

Ok, my blog title has probably ticked off most of the people who read it. But I don't get it; why do you want to update everyone and anyone about whatever you so happen to be doing with yourself every single moment of any given day?

Alot of thoughts in my mind

2009-03-23T14:24:00.003+08:00

This has been a really great week to be alive as a Liverpool fan.

We trashed Read Madrid 4-0 (5-0 on aggregate), trashed Man United at Old Trafford 4-1, trashed Aston Villa 5-0 at Anfield.

Plus, Man United LOST to FULHAM.

Vidic got sent off (3 match ban), Scoles got sent off (3 match ban), Rooney sent off (1 match ban) and Berbetov is injured.

O, and Chelsea lost to Spurs.

We are now 1 point behind Man United, although they stil have a game in hand. But ooo, i am not even thinking about that anymore man.... I am just going to enjoy being a Liverpool fan for now...

.

In the other ares of my life been rather interesting as well.

I think God really do loves me alot, everytime I feel lost or defeated, or just outright rebellious, God always sends a message or a person to encourage me or to guide me back on trail.

Spending time Raj has always enrich me as a person, but this time round I should feel encouraged when I had dinner with him.

We talked about alot of things, but the 2 most important things he said to me was that, 1. all of my decisions and choices is entirely up to me, 2. and that no matter what, he will always be my friend.

It's important because so many people, esp people in leadership position always like to say, "it's up to you". When they actually don't mean it at all. They say it, but they don't practise it. Once you choose an alternative path to the one they "recommanded" they turn on you. Scolds you, mark you down, rejects you, label you as rebellious, say you are stubborn.

What kind of freedom is that? Its your way or the highway. Absolute rubbish.

But Raj is different, I know he means it, because he did it before to others and a man of his status really don't even have to bother about someone like me.

So things like this helps to negate some of the skepticism in me.

Yet, the thing that touch me the most was when he said, no matter what, he will be my friend. That's even more important. Coz in church, we always preach about acceptance of people. That we love whoever and no matter what. But again, tts not true in so many cases. Most people only "loves" you as much as it is beneficial to them. Or as part of their "duty".

And like I said, Raj don't have to bother about me, but yet he takes time and effort out to meet me and ask about my personal life. Which I find to be sincere.

End of the day, it's not just about Raj being an awesome man, coz I am not much of a hero-worshipper. But the fact that I actually see someone actively living out Biblical principles. It makes the world a little darker then i thought it was.

Other then raj, another person that has touched me is this lady called Michelle Yeo from Esplanade. She is a very typical "grown-up in church" and rather upper-middle class kind of lady. But she is not snobbish and she is actually sincerely nice.

That's all she had to be do touch me. She is sincerely nice as a person. She didn't preach a great message, didn't make sweeping statements, didn't come for any funerals, but she has just been consistently and sincerely nice. And that has revived my hope in people.

I remember not too long again, that was this absolute nonsensical teaching going among our cgls in church that basically says that, "the Bible never mentioned the word nice before. So we don't have to be". Like, hello???? Anybody home in the head???

The Bible talks about Kindness, Love, Acceptance, Grace, speech seasoned with grace, Patience. And if that didn't just described being Nice, i really don't know any description of being nice already.

Anyway.

So those people in position of leadership in church and the marketplace has helped to encourage my faith in humanity again.

.

If you haven't notice by now, this is one of the longest post I have ever written.

But I feel a need to share, and the next thing i wanna talk about is the service we just had last weekend.

First of all, the band sung "God of my forever", which surprised me alittle, coz it's not really relevant to the message. And it was the song we sung on my SOT graduation-prophesy night. I was just listening to it the night before.

The song really speaks in a very relevant way to me, at this time. So when I found out from thelittlemusician that it was a last minute decision to sing it, i was extra blessed.

Then pastor kong came on stage to preach. He's still doing a series on marriage and the needs of man and woman (which i think is great btw).

But one of the thing he mentioned really really helped me to rethink the situation I am in. He said that your relationship with your spouse is just like with church; if all you do is sacrifice and sacrifice and sacrifice, you will come to a point where you feel tired. You will start to wonder, when will all this end? What's the point of giving and giving? You will get tired and slowly but surely, you will want out.

So it's important to enjoy waht you do. If your serving, you must enjoy it. If you are giving to the Building Fund, you must enjoy it. At the end of the day, laughter and humour is important to any relationships. Whether it be in church or with a gf/bf.

So I am relooking at the way I go to church. The way I sacrifice and the way i am living my life.

i am starting to think that there is alot more that I need to learn and that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I don't have to become a workaholic with no love or life.

To end off, I shall give a special mention to the littlemusician again: You have been fun to talk to! hahaha, and it's very encouraging to talk to you, must take care ok!

rethink

2009-03-19T23:51:00.004+08:00

Ok, I just woke up. And its around midnight now. Must have been all the drugs in my system.

Like most people in Singapore, i have been hit by the flu bug, and not just that i only lost my voice to a pretty bad sore throat for more then a week. Been feeling really lethargic, and i think its been a case of over-working myself as well.

Still, I managed to squeeze in a conference this week, the G12 conference. And no, i haven't jump ship to join FCBC, I was just hired to do programming for them.

The only good thing about the whole conference (from a purely personal point of view) was Delirious?. I think this is the last time ever they will perform in Singapore again, this great band is going to disband soon.

Listening to them always does something to you, it makes you think. Makes you pause for awhile and wonder whether you are living right.

And i think that's something i have been trying very hard not to do. I just wanted to keep working hard and become successful in my career and my life in general.

Next week is my last week of classes, and boy, am i glad that it is. 4 long years of studies, finally it's going to be over.

The future still feels uncertain, and at 25, i am not going to waste anymore time. So i am going to throw the kitchen sink at life, everything i got to make myself a success. But in the midst of all these hope, desire and fear, I wonder where is God.

It's weird you know, to be in church for 11 years and suddenly realize that if I disappear from church now, no one will miss me.

It's like living in the same neighborhood for all your life and realize that you don't know any of your neighbors.

But God is not the church right? So we go to church to experience God's presence. But love is a funny thing. You could be willing to die for someone when you are intensely aware of your feelings. But yet, if we just neglect it, stop thinking about it, stop making effort to nurture it, everything just quietly and slowly dies...

Its sad, but it happens. The devil can throw all sorts of persecution against you and you will strongly bear the wounds and scars of Christ as a firm warrior. But if you are left alone, left to pursue your own desires, left to chase your own dreams, left to enjoy this world and do pretty much what you want to do, you become soft. Soft and weak.

The greatest danger for a person or an empire is not the opposition; on the contrary, oppositions and difficulties make life more exciting, make everything feels more worthwhile. Oppositions give you a sense of purpose. But when it's all about just getting that next promotion, getting your own home, saving up for emergency, it's all about all those mundane and everyday life issue, it's easy to become distracted. Easy to say, "all i want to do is be happy and comfortable". Comfortable, I used to hate that word. Now i live for it.

Kingdom of Comfort by Delirious? was the opening song for their concert. And i think it could not be more apt. Now i can understand why so many people become uninterested in church after entering adulthood. There are so many questions, temptation, difficulties that God seems nothing more then a nice concept to have. Life is unfair, and like Job found out, God is in charge of it all and will do what He likes even though we humans disagree.

What does it means to be a Christian? Being rich and successful? Being nice and kind? Dying on the mission field? I got no easy answer, but i am pretty damn sure that its not living the way I am living now.

Raindrop on my hand

2009-03-17T04:03:00.008+08:00

I spoke to the raindrop and asked him,

where did you came from and how was your journey

he said,

I have been through the cities, in the streets, walking past people i have never meet Spoke to strangers who had nothing in common with me. I tried to sleep, even when the sky was falling

And I asked again,

What are your thoughts and how do you fall

and he answered,

if only you knew, how long it has been, since anyone saw me. Even when you are just a face in the crowd, you still hear all the tirade against the senses. So i cried and tried, but no one ever sees the tears of mine

So i finally relented and let him go, and he became just another raindrop on the floor.

what?

2009-03-04T19:49:00.002+08:00

Hello world,

its march and i am tired. Fatigue is catching up with me and i think i will retire.

No matter who i turn to, i seem to find more work.

i hope to graduate, but i seems to have ate fear. O well, time to get my beer.

And if you think that this post, somehow seems to rhyme at times, you have every right to feel so

But because, i am not putting in effort, the rhyming really sucks. And you know what? My brains about to explode.

Kaboom!

Don't Panic

2009-02-24T01:26:00.002+08:00

The Youtube clip here is my favourite scene (The whole "I think i am a sofa" bit) out of the movie version of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy".

I am a really big fan of Douglas Adams's "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" series. I have read all 5 books:

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
Life, the Universe and Everything,
So Long and Thanks for All the Fish
Mostly Harmless.

Not only that, i have also read the Salmon of Doubt, a posthumous collection of previously uncollected material by Douglas Adams and both of the Dirk Gently's books, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency and The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul.

I think DA is fabulous as a writer and only a person that is either utterly insane or possesses pure genuine genius would have been able to write the way he did.

I have also just watched the movie version of it, and though it is surprisingly true to the books, although lots of changes has been make. So when i say it stays true to the books, i really mean style-wise. But the general storyline of the first book has been retained.

The H2G2 franchise started life as a radio series and have since then become an international phenomenon. It has been make into tv series, comics, a movie and a computer game.

Very sadly, DA died of a heart attack in 2001, thus we will never be able to read any books written by him again. Although he considers himself a "radical atheist" and mocks religion and God in his books, i think the world is poorer without a talent like him.

I know i am gushing over the series like a geeky 13 year old boy, but i really love the irrelevant humour and its an incredibly clever series. So read it if you can, you won't regret it.

something BIG is coming this way

2009-02-18T01:23:00.002+08:00

Well,

1st thing of all, hello to whoever is reading this.

Last week was rather packed, I had the whole week prayer meeting thing in church, the weekly jog/run to Esplanade from school and i even played midnight street soccer at the Cage in Kallang.

O, and i actually attended the entire week's lectures. Now that's pretty impressive for me.

Anyway, i still got about a month to go before all lectures end in March, then one stupid industry showcase "show" in April and that's it for me, bye bye Lasalle.

I am not really excited by the whole graduation thing, but its starting to feel like my waiting for ORD days; You just desperately want it all to end.

I have finally joined a new cg. N255 if i am not wrong, under Ming Jing. He seems like a decent guy, the cg is really warm and i think i like the atmosphere. Most importantly of all, I don't have to face a bunch of teens every week anymore, and that's great news for me.

Not that i despise teens or anything, but it was just time to move on. It was getting really tedious for me to go to cgm and i think the move has helped me to enjoy cgm much more.

Anyway, i had originally just wanted to come on here and say that i sense something big is going to happen in March. Don't really know what is going to happen, just know it's going to be big. I know its a really random thing to say, haha, but i just feel it somehow. Might be me eating too much fried chicken though.

Lots of thing to talk about, but i think i shall shut up here.

That darn tree

2009-01-28T03:57:00.004+08:00

What does the tree of the knowledge of know and evil means?

Why was it wrong for Adam and Eve to know good and evil?

A few points:

1. The 'knowledge' here is referring to moral/spiritual knowledge

- Gen 3: 6 :When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom

How can Eve know all this if she can't judge what is good or bad?

good for food : refer to material judgment ability. Food, car.. etc

pleasing to the eye: refer to sensual judgment ability. Art, music, decoration... etc

desirable for gaining wisdom : refer to mental judgment ability. Math, science... etc

But Adam and Eve did not feel shame in this area. Which means in the area of moral judgment, they were lacking. But in other areas, they were fully developed, and were allowed to develop.

2. The real sin here, other then the obvious disobedience of God's command, is the will of Man to judge what is right and wrong for themselves. To define for ourselves, what is good and what is evil

Think about it. Why would a good God deny Mankind the ability to know what is good and evil about things like food, art and science? The very fact that He is known as good means there must be a yardstick of measure. If I want to know what is good, I must know what is, well, not good.

3. And another interesting point here. The Bible says Adam and Eve was naked and knew no shame. Now, this implies that they should feel shame. But because they did not define for themselves what is wrong and right, they felt no shame. God didn't make a fuss about them not wearing anything, so they didn't make a fuss. But the moment they ate of the fruit, they defined for themselves what was wrong.

Was it being naked that caused the shame? No, it was the man-make definition of Adam and Eve that made being naked a sin.

A simple example would be that of chewing gum. In Singapore its against the law. Cross a short bridge to friendly Malaysia and chewing gum becomes a legitimate business.

What has changed? The definition of the law.

4. And by the way, the fact that Adam and Eve was naked, and SHOULD have felt shame, means that God did not create them perfect. Ultimately, I believe God wanted to let the descendant's of Adam eat of the tree (otherwise the fashion and clothing industry will never get born man). But God wanted Man to live in His definition of right and wrong and progress the way He wants them to.

An example will be teaching a 5 old year ABC and then moving on to teach the same kid the meaning of syntax when he/she is 18 years old. This is known as progressive revelation.

So I think, the real issue God had with Adam and Eve wasn't them eating from that tree, it is that God understand that we don't always know best. But just like Adam and Eve, we all want to make our own judgment, live the way we want to, define for our own selves what is worth living for and what is not.

Its not as straightforward as saying, “I will smoke if I want to”. But in the moral issues; should God have ordered the annihilation of whole tribes in the Old Testament (imagine God asked Ancient Israel to invade Singapore)? How can it be fair that God have a man born blind just so he can “show off” His glory?

And to a more personal extend, why does God heals others, but not my sick mum? Why did God allow the economy to fail and I go bankrupt, while evil man (CEOs) run off with millions?

All these are legitimate and tough question. And guess what? I have no answer. Except that God is sovereign. He do as he see fits. But I think God understands that we won't understand. That's why one of the core foundation of Christianity is faith. Blind faith if you like, not in man, CHC (I just have to say it and emphasize this; not faith in an organization or person) or government. But blind faith in God. Because only by defining our world and standard according to God's standard, then will it ever make sense.

In God we trust. Amen.

I realized that...

2009-01-25T14:29:00.000+08:00

I don't want to be ordinary anymore.

Cognitive Dissonance

2009-01-20T17:39:00.003+08:00

There are some experiences in life that causes you to rethink all the values and principles you have held in your life.

Things like seeing how people who preaches certain truths to live contrary of that truth. Things like the British telling the Asian populace that Asia was not ready to govern itself, then seeing a yellow-skinned Japanese soldier beating the husky 6-foot tall Caucasians to a pulp during WWII.

These are moments of cognitive dissonance, which is perhaps experienced by Christians more then any other group of people in this world.

When you go through experiences like these, you reach a point where your old values are no longer tenable and they crash and a new set of values are formed.

You either form a new set of values or you are a broken personality. Which perhaps explain why so many mental patients are Christians. They got broken in their mind.

I think I am still sane. And that explains why things ain't quite the same anymore.

.
Much of the lines written here were taken directly out of the book, "Lee Kuan Yew, in his own words", page 211.

I am not a loser

2009-01-15T00:44:00.004+08:00

I think...

It's time to revigorate my self-esteem, stop feeling like a loser and get down to making my life a success.

Plus, it's great to have a Dad that seems to have the ability to read your subconscious mind.

2009

2009-01-01T01:58:00.002+08:00

Well, its 2009. I think i am supposed to be rather excited about it being a new year and all.

Hmm, my head is spinning at the moment and i feel rather lost.

This is turning out to be a very depressing new year eve.

O well, I think i am supposed to say something more meaningful.

My new year resolution is to branch out into more areas that can earn money. Other then lighting and songwriting, i need to add on more skills and abilities to myself.

I think i am about to puke with the keyboard seemingly rotating in a clockwise direction while i type, and no, i have not been drinking. Maybe i should.

I wish everything would work out well. I need to think about getting a job, or more ways to earn money after i graduate. I need to graduate this march. I hope i do well in school.

I am 25 this year and i don't have a gf nor money in the bank. Yea, you can officially call me a loser.

O well, happy new year, though i doubt it is anything but a happy new year. This year is going to be a tough ride people.

Here's your rather depressed blogger signing off.

Good night

2008-12-02T11:30:00.003+08:00

Recently I did another show with Eugene, its name is "Silver Dreams". And I helped to co-write most of the songs with him.

But just like the last show, i had one emo song that was written by me before Eugene even approached me to help with the show.

This song is unique in the sense that it is the first song i have ever written where the content had no personal relevant to me. Meaning, the lyrics and "feel" of the song was not drawn from personal experience.

Rather, this song was inspired by one of my friends blog entry. I think we all would probably remember slightly about the NS pilot that died suddenly while training overseas. And i rem that everyone was just referring to him as that "pilot fellow" who died. Then i read my friend's blog, and i realized that she had went through poly with him.

It was evident from the post how she resented the fact that ppl was just calling him, that "pilot guy", when she had known him as a person. He had a name, he had hobbies, he had certain characteristics; he was a real and breathing human being to her.

I was so struck by the grief and pain in the post that i began to think about how would the person that has passed on try to console the ppl that are still living.

I realized that it is not the dead that needs consoling, but those who has been left behind who needs the encouragement to keep going on.

When a second friend of mine shared with me how he had also lost a friend recently through an accident as well, the inspiration came to complete the song.

So here's "Good night", dedicated to all who has lost a loved one.

.

What if I told you, I wish I could paint another picture for your eyes
What if I told you, they wouldn’t fade, all the memories from our lives
Would that make everything alright?

What if I told you, not everything that happens to you has a reason
What if I told you, the tears you shed is finding a way to heal you
Would that make everything alright?

Spinning round and round the world looks the same
But close your eyes and it will be ok
So tuck in your nightmares and kiss them good night.
Good night, good night
At least for just tonight

Won’t be the last chance
Won’t be the last dance
Won’t be the night our dream dies

Just remember to smile
Try not to think of me now
And all the words we sown
And all the bonds we grown
And all our hopes will be alright

This is a random post

2008-11-28T00:34:00.001+08:00

I think...

When ppl are tired, they dun think anymore, they just do.

Yea, that's all my brain cells can conjure up at the moment.

I am reaching zombie-supremo mode soon.

All hail the new king of zombies!

I will

2008-11-05T23:14:00.003+08:00

Will this month never end?

Will i never graduate from Lasalle?

Will i be able to go onto a stable financial situation?

Will i ever become a significant person?

Will my music ever reach the masses?

Will my music ever be recognized?

Will i become an award winning lighting designer?

Will i get to do big-scale concerts?

Will i ever be able to support my parent?

Will i buy my own house and have my own vehicle before i am 30?

Will i have my own jamming and recording studio?

Will i get to go out with her?

I am upset

2008-11-04T01:25:00.005+08:00

I think that an artist needs to have something called artistic integrity.

.

I dun like it when people treat my songs or design with disrespect.

I dun like it when people do not give me the due credit in front of other people.

I dun like it when people trash my input as something irrelevant.

.

So yes, i do feel upset and if possible i never want to work with anyone who can't show proper respect towards my work and me. Especially when the person do not put in effort to what he/she dos, not to mention that he/she seems very happy to take advantage of people.

Art is not to be cheapen and neither am I.

That's it, i am never going to do this again.

Before You Were Young by Travis

2008-10-27T02:02:00.004+08:00

FOCUS ON SCHOOL

2008-10-19T00:44:00.003+08:00

Harlo world,

i been feeling rather chatty recently, so i am gog to blog again.

Well, i dun actually have much to talk about, but i need to buck up in my studies and turn up for classes in the nx 4 weeks. That's right, 4 more weeks of torture and NO MORE CLASSES! Woohoo!

All i have to do now is to regain my focus and finish up all the remaining assignments and be physically present for all the remaining classes.

I can do it. I am gog to do it.

Then after this 4 weeks, i am gog to chiong my 2 productions + Asia conference and i am done for the year! Err.. ok still got stuff in dec, but i am gog to take it easy.

Focus Michael, FOCUS ON SCHOOL.

Plus, after i survived the nx 4 weeks, i will only be left with one more semester to graduation. ONE MORE SEMESTER and my entire education nightmare shall be over! woahahahahaha. Victory is in my grasp, i just have to focus and chiong!

I feel like... talking and talking and talking

2008-10-16T21:49:00.004+08:00

Well,

it's been a while since i blogged and lots of things have happened.

The world economy seems to be on a yo-yo ball being swung around by a drunk monkey recently.

Its really quite amazing, not to mention disturbing, that the people controlling the entire world's economy can panic so easily one day, and be confident another.

We live in a crazy world.

.

Anyway, in my own life, i made a rather major decision recently - er, no i did not get married secretly - I decided to leave my own company.

The company was doing well and growing, but i felt the whole thing was starting to drain me. First of all, i dun like to deal with money and accounts. And i was doing lots of video work, which i didn't particularly enjoyed.

But i think one of the most important issues was that we wasn't going to do any live events. And that kind of took the fun out of everything,

I think i wrote on here before that i just want to do one show after another. I think i wld be a very happy man if that could happen. Beyond just monetary rewards(which is important), i want to be doing jobs i love.

I don't mind getting paid half the amount a video guy gets for doing lights. Why? coz i like doing lights, and i wld probably do it for free anyway.

I don't mind writing songs for free, although i know that i probably should demand a fee. Why? coz i like writing songs, nvm all the really hard work.

So i concluded that somehow, my heart is wired to be like a poor artist's, i do things for a higher purpose. I wld choose art over wealth any day, even though my brain is constantly telling me i am stupid.

So yea,i have officially left the company i helped to start after a brief 7 months. It was fun, and i am still good frens with the ppl there, but it was time to say adios.

.

I am currently co-writing with Eugene songs for his new musical coming up in Nov. I am feeling a little dismayed at the way the songs are going, coz well, i am rather unused to writing with someone. There's alot of things i dun like ,but he feel is fine. I guess i am too much of a control freak when it comes to creative products.

Its also becoming a rather unhealthy distraction coz:

1. It doesn't earn me a single cent.

2. I missed the last 4 days of school coz i was too tired to do anything else.

3. I see Eugene WAY too much.

Ok, so maybe point no.2 was also due to the fact that i have been busy doing training and stuff at church. Ironic isn't it? I am missing lighting classes coz i am tired from teaching other ppl lighting.

.

In the last part of this really long post, i must mentioned that i am also doing the level 3 musical theatre student's next show - "Lucky Stiff". I am actually really excited about it. I always tot that the musical theatre students are some of the best in Lasalle's performing arts side. No disrespect to the rest though - I really really like the acting student's "The Fever". But i guess i like musicals more over serious dramas.

Anyway, the show is a romantic-comedy and is also opening on the 25th of nov(Eugene's show opens on the 29th, and Asia conference on the 19th nov. I am so going to die in nov). But this show is actually really tech heavy. There's going to be lots of lighting cues and scenary. In fact there's prob a light and scene change every 5 minutes. So i think i am gog to have fun, hahaha.

.

Ok, that's about it. I dunnoe what's been wrong with me this two weeks, been missing way too much classes and is tired all the time. I need to remember that I am a student and not start doing all these shows and stuff. Priority goes to sch, for the next 4 weeks at least. Then my education nightmare can finally come to an end next march.

Cheers if you have read so far. And if you're so interested in my introverted life, i can let you in on a secret. I met a girl recently and my first tot was that she is an angel that fell out of the sky. No, i am not dating her, and i only met her twice. Probably spoken less then 20 sentences to her. But i think she's like the most gorgeous girl i ever met. That's about all. Wish i cld say there was something more, but there isn't. So yea, here's hoping for more.

Take care people and dun read so much blogs.

Home

2008-10-02T00:56:00.005+08:00

Ok, i think its time i release the song we recorded on here. Audio quality ain't CD standard, but its quite good alr.

The singer is amazing by the way. Makes my song sound nicer then it is...

The acoustic version:

The rock version:

.

Lyrics:

Sitting still in the same old room

Time and you have moved on without me

I never forgot your stealing glance

So please don’t speak

I don’t wanna stay a child forever

But still I miss the time when I had you as my shelter

I don’t need you here with me

No that’s a lie

To keep me warm in the cold of the night

When I am missing you the most

I will try not to cry tonight

No that’s a lie

But I have to be strong and carry on

Coz tomorrow still follows today

Even if I can’t make it home

When it hurts to believe and my courage has flee

I remember all you said to me

I always forget that life ain’t fair

Watch while I disappear

I don’t wanna stay a child forever

But still I miss the time when I had you as my shelter

I don’t need you here with me

No that’s a lie

To keep me warm in the cold of the night

When I am missing you the most

I will try not to cry tonight

No that’s a lie

But I have to be strong and carry on

Coz tomorrow still follows today

Even if I can’t make it home

Words and music by Michael Chan Yong Fu
Performed by Class Act

Talent is never enough

2008-09-26T14:39:00.002+08:00

Something i took from John.C.Maxwell's blog:

Belief lifts your talent: Lack of belief in yourself can act as a ceiling on talent.

Passion energizes your talent: A passionate person with limited talent will outperform a passive person who possesses greater talent.

Initiative activates your talent: Socrates said, “To move the world we must first move ourselves.”

Focus directs your talent: Attempting everything, like attempting nothing will suck the life out of you.

Preparation positions your talent: Becoming more intentional. You can claim to be surprised once; after that, you’re unprepared.

Practice sharpens your talent: Practice demands discipline and embracing change.

Perseverance sustains your talent: People who display perseverance keep a larger vision in mind as they toil away at their craft or profession.

Courage tests your talent: As we develop our talent and grow to our potential we will be tested continually. Courage is an everyday virtue.

Teachability expands your talent: Teachability is not so much about competence and mental capacity as it is about attitude. It is the desire to listen, learn, and apply. Talented people can be the toughest to teach because they often think they know it all. It’s a problem of pride.

Character protects your talent: People cannot climb beyond the limitations of their character. Talented people are sometimes tempted to take shortcuts. Character prevents that.

Relationships influence your talent: Life is too short to spend it with people who pull you in the wrong direction. And it’s too short not to invest in others. Your relationships will define you.

Responsibility strengthens your talent: Responsibility not only improves your life, but also will improve the life of those around you.

Teamwork multiplies your talent: Teamwork divides the effort and multiples the effect.

http://www.leadershipnow.com/leadingblog/2007/04/talent_is_never_enough.html

Somewhere deep in the concrete jungle near the equator....

2008-09-12T22:29:00.004+08:00

"Is it always going to be so hard?"

"Yes"

"I am always tired, every single day; is that supposed to be normal?"

"Yes"

"Why me?"

"Because I want you to do it."

"I am not exactly the most holy or excited person around you know."

"Yea, I know, that's ok."

"I mean i am trying. Trying to change, trying to do the right things and trying to stop doing the wrong things. But you know me, i fail like every single day."

"Yea, yea, I know. I know more about your weaknesses then you. Life goes on man, just because you fail doesn't mean the world stop spinning."

"Hmm... ok, so here we go again."

"Yea, it only gets tougher... You know, the usuals."

"Hai, ok...."

Faith

2008-09-01T13:12:00.001+08:00

Faith is believing in your heart and confessing with your mouth.

Courage is daring to just do it.

On this day....

2008-08-24T22:01:00.004+08:00

... the SOT cohort of 2008 graduates.

... I suddenly realized that i am an alumni.

... It's been exactly one year since i graduated from Bible school.

.... I am still here.

... Thank God.

.... Let's keep going.

Some random thoughts in my head

2008-08-19T00:52:00.002+08:00

My school really has alot of chio bu walking around.

I think Raj is so not impressed by my attitude

I hate admin work

I will still do admin work

I am warming up to being a student

My new Stage Manager seems to be gay, but a really nice guy

The new worship song i am writing sounds very Augustana

Pastor Tan actually poked fun at me during debrief

I feel a little weird that i attended a debrief by Pastor Tan along with all the HOD on stage

I think God loves me alot more then i realize

I need to trust my leadership more

I need to pray more

I need to read the Word more

The scars you bear is prove that your wounds has already healed

I like being emo

I am going to make it in life

My roles in life is constantly evolving

Don't fight changes; embrace them

I want to please God instead of myself now

PM Lee and Pastor Kong is asking all us Singaporean to get married

I wish i could meet a nice girl that understands me

I miss Pahang's food

I am changing the way i think and the things i do

mcyf24

2008-07-21T21:09:00.007+08:00

I am 24.

I have a song recorded in a Music Video that was shot on HD.

I have a song that was performed "live" to more then a Thousand person.

I have done lights for events that Millions of people have watched.

I pioneered and helped to build a Technical Ministry in one of the biggest church in the world.

I am a Director of a company.

And guess what? My current highest qualification is still 'O' Levels.

I win.

Home

2008-07-06T00:56:00.009+08:00

Thats me on a ladder looking stressed.

Thats me wearing slippers and setting up lights.

On location

The pics you see above is from a very fun shoot i did recently. And thats y i havent been blogging much, due to work and cause i been spending quite abit of time writing songs again.

I actually stopped writing for quite a while now, but i decided to get back into songwriting about two months ago. The amazing thing is, one of the songs i wrote has now been recorded in a "live " music video, performed by Class Act(an up and coming band, they are really good). And its not some cheapo nana video. Its done by pros. Audio and visual is gog to be amazing. Its actually a company project and i think its gog to blow ppl minds away, haha.

What's more, Eugene is actually gog to use the song in his new production, "Thief of Time". So this song has not just been recorded on track and video, its even gog to be played to a live audience. Btw, the show is on 19th July, at Republic poly.

The song is call "Home". And i think i shall not upload the song till the video is out, coz u will have to endure hearing me sing.

But anyway, i think its been pretty amazing. And i am really hoping to churn out more songs that can go even further. But whatever it is, i sense the beginning of something really fun, haha.

Here are the pics of the shoot -

pics.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=59425&id=686171182

And this is the website for the show -

thief of time.

http://trcc.rp.sg/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=70&Itemid=73

Youtube is a wonderful thing

2008-06-13T02:49:00.002+08:00

Been watching lots of Youtube video to do research for a shoot i am doing and i came across some really nice videos . But i was really captivated by LeAnn Rimes (Live at Abbey Road) clips.

After watching the clips and hearing her sing, i decided that she is one of the hottest woman on earth.

Under a lover's sky
I'm gonna be with you
And no one's gonna be around
If you think that you won't fall
Well just wait until, 'till the sun goes down
Underneath the starlight starlight
There's a magical feeling so right
It will steal your heart tonight

You can try to resist
Try to hide from my kiss
But you know, but you know
That you, can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark you'll surrender your heart
But you know, but you know
That you, can't fight the moonlight,
No, you can't fight it
It's gonna get to you'r heart

There's no escaping love
Once a gentle breeze (once a gentle breeze)
Sweeps it's spell upon your heart
And no matter what you think
It won't be to long
'Till your in my arms
Underneath the starlight starlight
We'll be lost in the rythm so right
It will steal your heart tonight

You can try to resist
Try to hide from my kiss
But you know, but you know
That you, can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark you'll surrender your heart
But you know, but you know
That you, can't fight the moonlight,
No-o you can't fight it
No-o matter what you do
The night is gonna get to you.

(Your gonna know)
(That I know)
Don't try you're never gonna win

Underneath the starlight starlight
There's a magical feeling so right
It will steal your heart tonight

You can try to resist
Try to hide from my kiss
But you know, but you know
That you, can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark you'll surrender your heart
But you know, but you know
That you, can't fight the moonlight,
No-o you can't fight it

if i could smoke a cigarette right now i would
rip out of my skin commit the sins oh i could
if i could break a heart and throw it all away for just one night
my concience wouldn`t care if i just went ahead and wrecked my life

(chorus)

i wanna be destructive
trash everything in sight
beat the devil at his game
abuse myself all night
i wanna bitch the world out
one loud aching scream
don`t want anybody wanting anything from me

im sick of being perfect
with a perfect little smile
pick a fight with danger
be a stranger for myself for a while
wanna come unravelled
have it out with my soul
im tired of all the voices telling me which way to go
i wish you`d silence your opinion thats the last thing that i want to know

(chorus)

i feel better when im sane
but now i wanna feel no pain
im just really sick of thinking
i just wanna be destructive

a void in between shows

2008-05-28T21:50:00.003+08:00

There's nothing much to talk about on here nowadays. These couple of weeks kind of reminds me of when i was 17. I had nothing to do and no where to go. I had no purpose nor meaning in life. Life was hell.

I had tot that i would be happy with a holiday after working non-stop for the last year. But no, i feel a frightening sense of emptiness instead.

Life still goes on, David Cook won Idols by a landslide, i watched half a dozen movies, one dozen of Shark season 2 episodes and even some dgrayman.

Heck, i even managed to throw in 1 whole week of roadshows during this time. But still, the intense sense of loneliness and futility still gripped my soul. Coz i think, no matter what i did, i still found myself alone at home with nothing much to do. Though i tried my best to filled my life with activities and events, i still can't push that gnawing feeling away.

I want to move on with my life. I want to wake up each day and be genuinely excited by what is ahead. I want my work to be even more fulfilling, to do bigger and better shows. I need stress. I need pressure. I need jobs that demand intense concentration. That's y i love the entertainment line. Whether its a concert or a musical, time is always a privilege and results are always demanded. I love to feel that urgent need to deliver within a short time frame.

So i concluded. Its really not about the money. Its not about having a comfortable life. I just want to have that adrenaline and excitement pumping through my veins each day.

So God help me, immerse me in the crazy world of entertainment, coz i was born for it.

I'm alive

2008-05-17T00:52:00.006+08:00

I'm alive - David Cook version. Absolutely loves this song, the meaning of the lyrics is something i really believe in. Hope in the midst of all the darkness. And btw, David Cook's a real rock star.

Viva life!

Take a walk
We can hardly breathe the air
Look around
Its a hard life everywhere
People talk but they never really care
On the street theres a feeling of dispair

Everyday theres a brand new baby born
Everyday theres a sun to keep you warm
When its alright
Yeah, its alright

Im alive
And I dont care much for words of doom
If its love you need
Well I got the room
Its a simple thing changed in me
When I found you
Im alive
Im alive

Every night on the streets of Hollywood
Pretty girls come to give you something good
Love for sale
Its a lonely town at night
Theraphy for a heart misunderstood

Look around theres a flower on every street
Look around and its growing at your feet
Everyday you can hear me say

That Im alive
I wanna take all that life has got to give
All I need is someone to share it with
I got love and love is all I really need to live
Im alive
Im alive

Everyday theres a brand new baby born
Everyway theres enough to keep you warm
Its ok
And Im glad to say

Im alive
And I dont care much for words of doom
If its love you got well Ive got the room
Its a simple thing that came to me when I found you
Im alive
Im alive

And I dont care much for words of doom
If its love you need well I got the room
Its a simple thing that came to me and I thank god
Im alive
I can take all that life has got to give
If Ive got someone to share it with

Stardust

2008-05-07T00:51:00.004+08:00

I just watched Stardust on my com... Claire Danes is really hot. And Michelle Pfeiffer looks absolutely amazing for a 60 years old ah Ma. Sienna Miller had a small part in it, she looks ok too. Three great looking blondes, plenty of eye-candy, hahahaha.

Have to mention that Robert de Niro did a really great job as Captain Shakespeare, the closet cross-dressing pirate. He was hilarious and really lovable.

The movie is so sweet that I think I am going to get diabetes. I think anybody unattached would feel depressed after watching it.

I wish a star would fall out of the sky for me too... Provided that the star looks like Claire Danes.

Here's the ending song by Take That :

Come Home

2008-04-26T10:41:00.002+08:00

Come Home - One Republic

[Verse 1]

Hello world

Hope you're listening

Forgive me if I'm young

For speaking out of turn

There's someone I've been missing

I think that they could be

The better half of me

They're in their own place trying to make it right

But I'm tired of justifying

So i say you'll..

[Chorus]

Come home

Cause I've been waiting for you

For so long

And right now there's a war between the vanities

But all i see is you and me

The fight for you is all I've ever known

So come home

Oooh

[Verse 2]

I get lost in the beauty

Of everything i see

The world ain't as half as bad

As they paint it to be

If all the sons

If all the daughters

Stopped to take it in

Well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin

It might start now..Yeahh

Well maybe I'm just dreaming out loud

Until then

[Chorus]

Come home

Cause I've been waiting for you

For so long

And right now there's a war between the vanities

But all i see is you and me

The fight for you is all I've ever known

Ever known

So come home

Oooh

[Interlude]

Everything i can't be

Is everything you should be

And that's why i need you here

Everything i can't be

Is everything you should be

And that's why i need you here

So hear this now

[Chorus]

Come home

Cause I've been waiting for you

For so long

And right now there's a war between the vanities

But all i see is you and me

The fight for you is all I've ever known

Ever known

So come home

Come home

Moving on...

2008-04-25T23:06:00.003+08:00

I finally got a rest this week!

Other then going out to run some errands and going for cell group, i actually got to stay home and just played game the whole day!

But work resumed the next day and now i will continue working non-stop till next sun i think. I am happy to work. Means life is moving on.

Talking about moving on, i decided that i am going to stop doing all those school shows. Coz i realized that if i never stop doing those kind of shows that doesn't improve me in anyway, i will never move on. So i am going to focus solely on lighting and video now. It's abit of moving out of my comfort zone coz i been doing this for awhile. But i am definitely not doing this for the rest of my life. Now would a great time to break away from it, what with our company coming up and all.

O ya, about the company.... Hmm, once the website is up at the end of the month, i will start doing full blast advertisement here, haha. So do watch this space for more info about it!

i am young and i am underpaid and i am way over -worked

2008-04-22T18:58:00.005+08:00

I am really really very tired physically and a little tired mentally.

Spiritually i think i am slowly but surely improving.

But i think emotionally i am just unsure, Coz I am so tired all the time that i feel numb half the time.

I am not emo anymore, i just exist.

Anyway, i think i really nd to take a break. Or i will start sprouting even more nonsensical post like this.

Nemachi no Tsuki

2008-04-22T01:08:00.003+08:00

I really like this instrumental piece. It calms my soul for some reason. When i have a little bit more free time, i 'll compile a list of instrumental songs together and blog it. It's like therapy man.

This song's title is "Nemachi no Tsuki" which, according to someone who is certified in Japanese, means "something something moon" (for those who is a little slow, it means i only know "Tsuki" means moon).

I Surrender All

2008-04-16T02:00:00.004+08:00

"I Surrender All"

I was worshiping God with this song, when i suddenly learned that the two guys who wrote this song, Winfield S. Weeden and Judson Wheeler Van De Venter does not even have an entry on Wikipedia. Wow, that's amazing, i mean, almost anybody who is a somebody is on Wiki. Then i realized that they were just two people from a generation past that wrote one amazing song.

Winfield S. Weeden

Born: March 29, 1847, Middleport, Ohio.

Died: July 31, 1908, Bisby Lake, New York.

Buried: Woodlawn Cemetery, New York City. His tombstone bears the title of his song: “I Surrender All.”

Weeden’s works include:

The Peacemaker, 1894
Songs of Sovereign Grace, 1897
Songs of the Peacemaker, 1895

Music

Judson Wheeler Van DeVenter

Born: December 5, 1855, near Dundee, Michigan.

Died: July 17, 1939, Temple Terrace, Tampa, Florida.

Buried: Dundee, Michigan.

Van DeVenter attended Hillsdale College, then taught art in Sharon, Pennsylvania. After several years, though, he decided to switch to a career in evangelism, working with Wilbur Chapman and others in America and England. Toward the end of his life, he lived in St. Petersburg, Florida, then moved to Tampa, Florida, around 1923. He was professor of hymnology at the Florida Bible Institute (now Trinity Bible College) for four years.

Hymns

This song has not just touched me, but literally million, if not billions of people in the last 100 years. But yet, this is all we remember of Winfield S. Weeden and Judson Wheeler Van De Venter. In fact, all we remember is this one song.

Was their whole life wasted then? Or is this what you call a "one-hit wonder"?

I think all the above would be wrong. I think that they are one of those nameless, faceless heroes of faith that the bible talks about. In the same way how the little nameless servant-girl who told Naaman about the prophet Elijah and was never named in the bible, Winfield S. Weede and Judson Wheeler Van De Venter has served their generation's purpose and passed away quietly.

But tonight, in my little bedroom in Singapore, more100 years after this song were written, this song has brought the Holy Spirit and the power of God into my life. And just like how the nameless little servant-girl legacy is left forever in the bible, Winfield S. Weede and Judson Wheeler Van DeVenter song will continue it's legacy as a beautiful bridge between God and Man.

$$$

2008-04-07T00:17:00.004+08:00

Money Money Money, please rain down from the sky.... In SGD100 dollar notes.... follow the wind and float gently through my window, then settle so cutely on my lap. I shall await you guys with open arms....

I think I just found another band to add to my favourites

2008-03-19T14:04:00.005+08:00

Music Review:

OneRepublic’s “Dreaming Out Loud”

By Mitchell Young

December 02, 2007, 8:25 p.m.

The title of OneRepublic’s new album, Dreaming Out Loud, may prove curiously prophetic for the alternative rock band’s debut release. For the time being, the relatively new band, fronted by the talented Ryan Tedder, seems to be living every band’s dream career. Just one short year ago, the band was gaining fans and praise on Myspace, despite being unsigned.

Their music caught the ear of music multi-tasker Timbaland, who stepped in to produce their first official album and even put a remix of their single on his own recently released album. That single, “Apologize,” has flooded the airwaves and television show soundtracks and attempted to stretch the limits of how far a small band from Colorado could go on one really catchy song and the assurance of one of music’s biggest producers that they were rock’s next big act.

The album, now finally in stores since Nov. 20, is merely the period at the end of a year-and-a-half-long sentence the band has been constructing about their creativity and talent, and it holds firmly to the expectation. Musically, the album churns out potential rock single and rock single, but also contains hints of an R & B influence, aided by Tedder’s crooning vocals. While the falsetto chorus of “Apologize” has shattered Top 40 radio records, it isn’t actually the most stirring song on the album. The desperate chorus of “Mercy” reaches a soaring conclusion that touches an epic sound.

The driving piano chords that form the framework of “Tyrant” also make that track a standout. It’s difficult to find a weak song, as the album seems to improve the further one proceeds into the track list. The classic rock-sounding “Someone to Save You” leads to the softer ballad “Come Home,” and Timbaland’s soft-played “Apologize (Remix)” caps off the entire album with finality.

Along with their powerful musicianship, refreshing insights drift through the album’s lyrics. Songs talk about the loss of a friendship, being authentic and redemption, but not in the pop-friendly condescension of a band already making millions that is trying to cheaply develop a new hit song. OneRepublic’s lyrics benefit definitely from the raw emotions of songs written before the band had ever tasted the fame and media spotlight they are experiencing now.

Although not a Christian band by name, OneRepublic’s new album is everything that Christian music should be. The band members all profess their faith openly (and the band has also performed at Biola twice), and the album possesses definite influences of spirituality and deeper thinking. However, the raw vocal and musical talent displayed within the album leaves has captured the ears of many, and the powerhouse efforts of Timbaland have pushed the band’s popularity to unforeseen heights.

“Apologize’s” championing of the highest tiers of radio playlists and request lines should be the goal of every Christian band who wishes the break away from the annoying stigma of Christian music as trite, recycled and uninspired. “Dreaming Out Loud” is anything but.

http://www.myspace.com/onerepublic

http://www.onerepublic.net/default.aspx

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhpqXbndFvQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm0T7_SGee4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXONX3DJHkQ

Into the Woods

2008-03-14T19:20:00.002+08:00

I am sitting in sch blogging while the sound ppl are doing a sound check for the musical theatre ppl.

I am bored.

I am listening to a wide variety of artist that i have never heard before. Fantastic artist like Colbie Cailat(Bubbly), Amy Winehouse(Valerie) and Fergie(Big Girls Don't Cry). This is thanks to a cd that i picked up from a sound engineer i met recently.

I am sitting here coz i am the lighting operator for this musical call "Into The Woods". It's a school production.

While listening to the music, i feel a sudden and acute longing to get away from all this theatre stuff and go and do some rock and roll concert somewhere faraway from singapore.

I am also rather worried abt my studies as i am really struggling to attend classes and just be content to be a simple student. I am the not most academic person on earth. And guess what, i still have at least 1 year to go, possibly two years, before i graduate.

Lots of things are happening in my life at the same time as well. My career and ministry are also beginning to build up more and more. I am trying to gaze into the crystal ball and see what the future will hold. Whether i will actually succeed in all the endeavors tt i am on.

I dunnoe. I am working harder then ever before in my life, but i wonder if it will be enough though. I am a little afraid of the future i guess.

Anyway, i am bored.

Chinese Pop

2008-03-08T00:25:00.005+08:00

I realized that anything written by Jay Chou and Vincent is always quality stuff. And its not because I am a fan of them and thus i support them no matter what.

But because i would listen to songs from those
pop groups from time to time and "think, wow, very nice song leh, lyrics got meaning, melody very well written. Chinese pop got hope". Then i would suddenly realized that it was written by this two bugger.

Some example below;

熱帶雨林 by S.H.E

曲:周杰伦
词:方文山
编曲:锺兴民

冷风过境回忆冻结成冰
我的付出全都要不到回音
悔恨就像是绵延不断的丘陵
痛苦全方位的降临
悲伤入侵誓言下落不明
我找不到那些爱过的曾经
你像在寂寞上空盘旋的秃鹰
将我想你啃食干净
月色摇晃树影
穿梭在热带雨林
你离去的原因
从来不说明
你的话伤神经
我最后才清醒
幸福只是水中的倒影
月色摇晃树影
穿梭在热带雨林
悲伤的雨不停
全身血淋淋
那深陷在沼泽
我不堪的爱情
是我无能为力的伤心

.

親愛的，那不是愛情 by 張韶涵

词:方文山
曲:周杰伦

专辑:Ang5.0 (2007)

教室里那台风琴
叮咚叮咚叮嚀
像你告白的声音
动作一直很轻
微笑看你送完信
转身离开的背影
喜欢你字跡清秀的关心
那温热的牛奶瓶
在我手中握紧
有你在的地方
我总感觉很窝心
日子像旋转木马
在脑海里转不停
出现那些你对我好的场景
你说过牵了手就算约定
但亲爱的那并不是爱情
就像来不及许愿的流星
再怎麼美丽也只能是曾经
太美的承诺因為太年轻
但亲爱的那并不是爱情
就像是精灵住错了森林
那爱情错的很透明

.

倒带 by 蔡依林

作词：方文山
作曲：周杰伦

我受够了等待你所谓的安排　
说的未来到底多久才来
总是要来不及才知道我可爱　
我想依赖而你却都不在
应该开心的地带　你给的全是空白　
一个人假日发呆找不到人陪我看海　
我在幸福的门外　却一直都进不来　
你累积给的伤害　我是真的很难释怀　
终于看开爱回不来而你总是太晚明白　
最后才把话说开　哭着求我留下来
终于看开爱回不来　我们面前太多阻碍　
你的手却放不开　宁愿没出息求我别离开　
你总是要我乖慢慢计划将来　
我的眼泪却一直掉下来　
过去怎么交代你该给的信赖　
被你亲手缓缓推入悬崖　
从我脸上的苍白　看到记忆慢下来　
过去甜蜜在倒带只是感觉已经不在　
而我对你的期待被你一次次摔坏　
已经碎成太多块　要怎么拼凑跟重来

.

Falling Slowly

2008-02-28T01:18:00.007+08:00

They won, they won, they won! Woohoo!

ACCEPTANCE SPEECH
Glen Hansard:
Thanks! This is amazing. What are we doing here? This is mad. We made this film two years ago. We shot on two Handycams. It took us three weeks to make. We made it for a hundred grand. We never thought we would come into a room like this and be in front of you people. It's been an amazing thing. Thanks for taking this film seriously, all of you. It means a lot to us. Thanks to the Academy, thanks to all the people who've helped us, they know who they are, we don't need to say them. This is amazing. Make art. Make art. Thanks.

Marketa Irglova:
Hi everyone. I just want to thank you so much. This is such a big deal, not only for us, but for all other independent musicians and artists that spend most of their time struggling, and this, the fact that we're standing here tonight, the fact that we're able to hold this, it's just to prove no matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible. And, you know, fair play to those who dare to dream and don't give up. And this song was written from a perspective of hope, and hope at the end of the day connects us all, no matter how different we are. And so thank you so much, who helped us along way. Thank you.

.

Falling Slowly

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react

And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black

You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing it loud

Mini series of mcyf12 life - part 2

2008-02-17T12:01:00.013+08:00

Was reading one of my friend's blog and she was relating how she was identified as a musical prodigy at the age of 13. u can read more abt it here.

It kind of reminded me of my own story as she described how she went from having no talent in life to developing a passion and ability that is God-given.

So i went to dig out the first portion of my story that i had written in the Chronicles(why on earth do you think this is called the SECOND Chronicles?) a long time ago, and i shall continue on it in this post.

But first a flashback:

Mini series of mcyf12 life : part 1

.

Now i shall seek improve the story a little, add more background to it.

.

I found God in my life at the age of 14 and from then on, life was never the same again.

I started to get actively involved in my church and cellgroup and all that gave me a tremendous sense of purpose in my life.

You see, i always wondered what we were doing here on earth for, and God answered that question for me.

I had also always been a loner, i still enjoy solitude alot, but that made me rather awkward around people. But after i came to church, i was trained to become much more socialable, and that has helped me in more ways then you can imagine. I have gained friendships, a healthy self-esteem and a much happier life.

After my 'O' levels, i went to Lasalle and got into contact for the first time with what people called Lighting. But the irony here is that, while I actually was gaining an interest in lighting, my lecturers thought that i was more interested in sound. This was because i was still in the sound ministry back then and i was trying to learn more about sound. (Hehe, alot of people is quite surprised to know that i was in sound ministry before.. i can do sound one ok, i just don't like it that much).

But me being me back then, decided to run off and quit school after the first two months of study.

So, there i was, 17 years old, wanting to backslide, out of school, out of work and without a clue as to what i should be doing with my life.

.

At about the same time, our church decided to move to a new complex at Jurong West (JW). And as fate would had it, my cgl asked me to go and help out with the physical arrangements (PA).

Now, a person that is backsliding normally would not be interested in church things anymore. But the thing you must understand is that i still loved God and the church very much, but i was just getting deeper and deeper into this vortex of doing nothing. Plus, i used to volunteer myself to go and arrange chairs at Hollywood theatre for Children Church and the Main English service. Nobody asked me to, i just did it. Rushed down to the church every sat and just helped out.

But anyway, on with the main story (otherwise, i will just start talking about a million and one other stories).

So ya, i was asked to go down and help. Not just once, but almost every week. And being a very free man, i did it.

One day, i was asked to go and help out the JAMS church's PA. So I arrived at JW, and went down to B4, saw a bunch of people working and thought, "o, those must be the JAMS people" and I started helping them.

At the end of the day, i realized i had helped the wrong people. They weren't from JAMS, they were from the School of Creative Arts (SCA). And they were putting up a production, midsummer's night dream, if i remembered correctly.

Tan Boon, the staff in charge of all backstage issues then, asked me to stay and help for the rest of the production. And me being me again, decided to say, yes.

This decision was to change the rest of my life.

In the midst of helping out the production, i happened to be carrying some lanterns around, to be more specific, I was carrying PAR-cans around. So while carrying those lights around, i decided to shout across the hall to ask the lighting designer for the show (i cant remember his name, it was some ang mo fellow), where he wanted those Par-cans.

Tan Boon heard me mention the names of the lanterns and ask me how i knew their names. And i replied that i had studied lighting in school before.

His entire face lit up.

"O, really?! I need people to help me out as we are starting a new ministry called the lighting ministry in the church. Can you help?"

I said yes, because, well, i had nothing much else to do.

Thus from that day onward, i started to went down to JW almost every single day for the next 1 year to help out with the lighting. I also started reading huge volumes of books on lighting. Man, i could fill a library with the amount of books i have read on lighting since then.

As there were only me and Tan Boon doing the lights (it wasn't even an official ministry yet), it ended up being me there alone most of the time. Tan Boon had, well, alot of other things to do.

So i would fix lights, re-arrange the lights, plug and unplug everything on my own. I also learned how to use the Strand 520i lighting console through reading the manual and using the trial and test method. I basically figured out the whole system by myself.

The thing i realized as time passed was that, i am not just interested in lighting, i am actually darn good at it. I could practically figure out anything related to lighting and know how to use it. I discovered what you would call my talent.

Of course, after awhile, i came to the age of 18 and had to go to the army.

Of course i continued to do lighting but if i continued to talk about what happened, it will become the Never-Ending story already.

So there you have it, how i got started in lighting and how the lighting ministry got started.

Song for someone

2008-02-14T02:06:00.006+08:00

The Frames

This is the latest band i am listening to and i think they are awesome. They sound a little similar to Damien Rice in style i guess, but very different in the subjects they deal with. Damien Rice gives me a feeling of sadness and a general sense of disappointment about people. While The Frames seems rather more positive in their outlook of things.

The lead singer, main songwriter, guitar player for this band is Glen Hansard , the guy who acted in Once and who wrote and sang most of the songs in Once. So you can say i am a fan of Glen Hansard music too. Just like Damien Rice, he was originally a busker from Grafton Street, Dublin, Ireland. I guess the Irish people are a pretty emo bunch of people. Bands like U2 and The Corrs are from Ireland too. I have got to go visit this holy land of emo-ness one day.

Anyway, this song is entitled "song for someone, and it deals with the question of if we are meant for someone, and when on wil lthat person appear. I reckon from the lyrics that Glen believes in predestination, which i do too.

And yes, i thought it would be apt for me to blog about this song during Valentine day, cause there are still pitiful souls like me still waiting for that special "someone" to appear.

Happy Valentine's day people!

.

Dryin' up in conversation, still
My head was halfway round the world
And workin' through the sleepin' hours
Driven by the promise of a quick return
And I wonder if she'll be the very same
And I wonder if she's gonna break the waves
Again...

Tryin' just to focus on the good
I'm tired of divin' for the pearls
And every dawn is another morning less
I have to wait to wake beside that girl
And I hope she's gonna be the very same
And I hope she can survive this wave again

And if we're all for someone
And if we're born for someone
When will she come, that someone?
And put things in their place

Comin' back to see you girl,
You know there's nothing surer in this world
Remember all the madden seasons
Back when we weren't old enough to wait our turn
And I hope we're gonna be the very same
And I hope we can survive this wave again

And if we're all for someone
And if we're born for someone
When will she come, that someone?
And put things in their place

Col 1 : 26 - 29

2008-02-10T22:39:00.000+08:00

This mystery has been kept in the dark for a long time, but now it's out in the open. God wanted everyone, not just Jews, to know this rich and glorious secret inside and out, regardless of their background, regardless of their religious standing.

The mystery in a nutshell is just this: Christ is in you, so therefore you can look forward to sharing in God's glory. It's that simple.

That is the substance of our Message. We preach Christ, warning people not to add to the Message.

We teach in a spirit of profound common sense so that we can bring each person to maturity. To be mature is to be basic. Christ! No more, no less.

That's what I'm working so hard at day after day, year after year, doing my best with the energy God so generously gives me.

Psychonauts!

2008-02-05T04:53:00.000+08:00

Psychonauts! Sailors of the mind!

Hahaha, this game is interesting, and free to play from Gametap!

http://www.gametap.com/home/index.html

A little movie called Once

2008-01-21T07:15:00.000+08:00

I am blogging about the best film I have ever seen since Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind, which is one of my top 5 favorite movie.

In fact this movie is probably going to become my favorite movie to come for a long long time.

Rotten Tomato gave it a 98% on their site.

It is one of the most honest and touching film I have ever seen; I cried.

If your looking for action, explosion, sex or thrill, this film definitely ain't for you. It's about music, about people, about common folks and their dreams and struggles.

“A little movie called Once gave me enough inspiration to last the rest of the year,” said Steven Spielberg

Go watch it. Please.

I am a lighting freak, and i am proud of it

2008-01-16T01:34:00.000+08:00

Havent had much time to blog, or rather, i havent been in the mood to blog.

Now i am starting to learn and master the grandMA 3D, which i feel will benefit me greatly in the future. I alr know how to use the MA console and Autocad, so i have no prob coming out with a show.

But right, to beat the competition and really become a top-class engineer, then 3D is a must. 3D plotting and programming is the future. In fact, its alr happening.

But what I have really been spending alot of time on is the plot for hall 1. If you didnt know, CHC is gog to shift to hall 1 at end of Feb. And i happily decided to draw the lighting plot for it. For FREE.

So now i creating the autocad drawing, patching the lights into the onPC and typing out the fixture schedule all at the same time. Pretty tedious work. Though i am like 70% done after just 5 days. Its more brain-taxing than other thing else lah.

What I really would like to do is to incorporate the MA 3D into this project. If i can do a 3D animation of the stage and get it to work, its gog to look super impressive. And right, with a 3D visualizer, my creative boundary is really gog to expand like nobody's business.

You see, it is a very hard thing to do to imagine how the lights and effects will turn out. So most designer stick to tried and tested rigs and methods. But with the 3D visualizer, i can safely and freely try out any possibilities i want. It is a fantastic tool in helping with the design process. So I MUST master this thing.

.

Ok, enough of the geek talk. Time for some spiritual stuff.

.
Two separated incident actually. First was abt a week ago. I was in Expo on tues to do some work on the lighting console, when suddenly all my lights went berserk. I almost got a panic attack, then i realised that something was wrong with the console. I switched it off, but some of the ligths still had probs.

I was getting frustrated by then(i used a microphone stand to poke at the moving light, hehe, it worked ok.). And i was walking behind stage when i suddenly felt this is not normal. This is a demonic attack.

So i commanded the demons to get out of my system and that those are MY lights. God trusted those lights to ME. So they better stop their nonsense. You know what, hey presto, everything went back to normal! Woohoo! The stuff they taught in SOT works man, hahaha.

Now the second incident is less dramatic. I was working on my lighting plot and stuff as i mentioned earlier at home. Then i felt quite irritated that i cant carry my work ard with me. And i felt i really needed a laptop to be more efficient. So there and then, i just told God: "You know, I really need a laptop. I cant do Your work well without proper equipment. Give me one leh". Two days later, while in service, my buddy, mr Vincent came to me and said, "hey bro, i got a spare laptop i can loan you. You dun have to pay me now or anything, just take and use. If next tiem you want to buy it over, just pay me what ever you want." And mon, i got my laptop! Woohoo! I live a cool life. hahahahahaha.

P.S : Ok, for all those ppl that are thinking that all my testimonies and life story seems somehow linked to lighting; ya they are. I live for God and lights, woahahahahahahaha......

This puppy is so cute....

2008-01-09T20:45:00.000+08:00

Discipline

2008-01-06T23:37:00.000+08:00

Discipline is based on pride, on meticulous attention to details, and on mutual respect and confidence. Discipline must be a habit so ingrained that it is stronger than the excitement of the goal or the fear of failure.
- Gary Ryan Blair

Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers. It may not be difficult to store up in the mind a vast quantity of face within a comparatively short time, but the ability to form judgments requires the severe discipline of hard work and the tempering heat of experience and maturity.
- Calvin Coolidge

Discipline and concentration are a matter of being interested.
- Tom Kite

Without hard work and discipline it is difficult to be a top professional.
- Jahangir Khan

Discipline in art is a fundamental struggle to understand oneself, as much as to understand what one is drawing.
- Henry Moore

Few men are born brave. Many become so through training and force of discipline.
- Flavius Renatus Vegetius

Cheerfulness in most cheerful people is the rich and satisfying result of strenuous discipline.
- Edwin Percy Whipple

There is a certain combination of anarchy and discipline in the way I work.
- Robert De Niro

It's easy to have faith in yourself and have discipline when you're a winner, when you're number one. What you got to have is faith and discipline when you're not a winner.
- Vince Lombardi

Talent without discipline is like an octopus on roller skates. There's plenty of movement, but you never know if it's going to be forward, backwards, or sideways.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

.

2008-01-03T19:58:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone,

the year is 2008, month January, day the third.

I completed Heroes season 1 and 2 on the eve of the new year and is currently cursing the writers strike for paralyzing the series.

I am also awaiting episode 65 of D.grayman to come out online; so that i can download it.

Other then that I have completed Jigoku Shoujo, Jigoku Shoujo Futakomori, Zombie loan and Full-mental alchemist in 2007.

Some memorable movies i watched was Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind, 300, transformer and lots more that i shall not bother to name.

I also read quite a number of books, but i cant remember the name of any of them.

O, i also happened to have completed Bible school in CHBTC. I also had my first and currently only public prophesy(from pst kong nonetheless).

I made good friends in Sot, people such as Welton, Eigene, Melvin, Vivian and Joo...

I went to Batam for the first time in my life and had a very happy time eating donuts.

I figured out how to use AutoCAD.

I figured out how to use the grandMA on my own. Okok, so i did it with abit of help from Fares, but hey, we figured it out together ok?

I also drawn my first lighting plot for Emerge 2007. It was also the first time I used the grandMA full-size for such a huge event. I focused the lights, set the cues and basically did everything. I was the full-fledged lighting engineer for the event.

In 2007, 8,830 youth leaders and delegates from a total of 16 nations attended the event The May 31 opening night of the Singapore Emerge 2007 was broadcasted "live" on GOD TV to 122 million homes in more than 200 nations and territories.

O ya, then after all this i went back to Lasalle and realized that i fluked ONE module and thus has to repeat one whole year doing just ONE module.

I learned how the basic functions of the Hog IPC. Now i have completed the Holy trinity in lighting consoles: Avolite, Wholehog and grandMA. Heck, i even know how to use MagicQ(hated it), Strand and ETC (thought this two consoles is useless) consoles.

My blog had its sudden moment of fame when i blogged abt Sunshine Empire. Still waiting to see if my prophesy abt them gog burst in Nov this year will happen or not.

I think tt's abt all the significant event this year. And ya, i still don't have a gf.

Happy 2008!

Queen Of Hollywood

2007-12-27T22:46:00.000+08:00

She drove a long way through the night

From an urban neighbourhood

She left her mother in a fight

For a dream misunderstood

And her friends they talk on corners

They could never comprehend

But there was always something different

In the way she held a stare

And the pictures that she painted

Were of glamor and of flair

And her boyfriend through he loved her

Knew he couldn't quite fulfill

He could never meet her there

[Chorus]

She's never gonna be like the one before

She read it in her stars that there's something more

No matter what it takes, no matter how she breaks

She'll be the Queen of Hollywood

And the cynics they will wonder

What's the difference with this dream

And the dreams of countless others

All believing in TV

They see their hand prints in a sidewalk

Flashing cameras on the scene

And a shining limousine

[Chorus]

She's never gonna be like the one before

She read it in her stars that there's something more

No matter what it takes, no matter how she breaks

She'll be the Queen of Hollywood

She's believing in a dream

It's a loaded fantasy

Now her mother collects cut-outs

And the pictures make her smile

But if she saw behind the curtains

It could only make her cry

She's got hand prints on her body

Sad moonbeams in her eyes

Not so innocent a child

[Chorus]

She's never gonna be like the one before

She read it in her stars that there's something more

No matter what it takes, no matter how she breaks

She'll be the Queen of Hollywood

Wow, i should turn gay or something

2007-12-22T11:02:00.000+08:00

Your Brain is 80% Female, 20% Male

Your brain leans female

You think with your heart, not your head

Sweet and considerate, you are a giver

But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Its that time of the year again....

2007-12-10T01:49:00.000+08:00

Reservist loh!

周杰伦 new album

2007-12-01T03:56:00.000+08:00

Two of my fav songs from his new album...

彩虹

作曲:周杰伦作词:周杰伦

哪里有彩虹告诉我

能不能把我的愿望还给我
为什么天这么安静
所有云都跑到我这里

有没有口罩一个给我
释怀说了太多就成真不了
也许时间是一种解药
也是我现在正服下的毒药

看不见你的笑我怎么睡得着
你的身影这么近我却抱不到
没有地球太阳还是会绕
没有理由我也能自己走

你要离开我知道很简单
你说依赖是我们的阻碍
就算放开那能不能别没收我的爱
当作我最后才明白

有没有口罩一个给我
释怀说了太多就成真不了
也许时间是一种解药
也是我现在正服下的毒药

看不见你的笑我怎么睡得着
你的身影这么近我却抱不到
没有地球太阳还是会绕
没有理由我也能自己走

你要离开我知道很简单
你说依赖是我们的阻碍
就算放开那能不能别没收我的爱
当作我最后才明白

RAP
看不见你的笑
要我怎么睡得着
你的身影这么近我却抱不到
没有地球太阳开始环绕环绕
没有理由我也能自己走掉

是我说了太多就成真不了
也许时间是一种解药解药
也是我现在正服下的毒药
你要离开我知道很简单
你说依赖是我们的阻碍
就算放开那能不能别没收我的爱
当作我最后才明白

.
.

蒲公英的约定
作词：方文山　作曲：周杰伦

小学篱芭旁的蒲公英　
是记忆里有味道的风景
午睡操场传来蝉的声音　
多少年后也还是很好听

将愿望折纸飞机寄成信　
因为我们等不到那流星
认真投决定命运的硬币　
却不知道到底能去哪里

一起长大的约定　
那样清晰　打过勾的我相信
说好要一起旅行　
是你如今　唯一坚持的任性
在走廊上罚站打手心　
我们却注意窗边的蜻蜓
我去到哪里你都跟很紧　
很多的梦在等待着进行
一起长大的约定　
那样真心　
与你聊不完的曾经
而我已经分不清　
你是友情还是错过的爱情

The Aftermath

2007-11-23T16:38:00.000+08:00

"Look around fugitively, finally decides the coast is clear, edgily steps out into his BLOG."

Ok, to all my friends and regular blog-reader, I had wanted to blog the last few days, but the unexpected event of my blog being linked unto some forums completely destroyed these plans. But now it seems that my 15 minutes of unexpected fame is over, so i think its safe for me to continue blogging as usual.

Just to have a little closure on the past few days, i actually ain't that perturbed by what happened. Just a little caught by surprised, coz i actually wrote that entry about a month ago and i only got such a big response this week.

I think its weird you know, I have blogged abt lots of other stuff that are rather positive in nature and nobody bothers about it. But i accidentally blog on the most recent scandal in town and the whole world wants to read about it.

O well, i guess ppl are naturally drawn to controversial events, makes life more interesting.

.

One week after I did the Sunshine Empire conference, i went to do the video recording for this group called AMO. They are some contact lens company, and they organized this Asia Pacific Contact Lens Care Summit, which comprises of professors and doctors from all over Asia. But its a small little meeting in Pan-PAcific hotel that had about 25 ppl in attendance.

After sitting in to hear them talk abt contact lens care and all. I had a few reaction.

1. Wow, this is the first time in my life that i have heard ppl talk abt contact lens with such passion. I am very glad they are the ones that are looking after contact lens, i would feel safe to wear them.

2. These are the people with the real stuff man. They are solid. They were showing charts, survey, studies result... etc. I can't even decipher what their saying, they were using really big words and difficult medical terms. (unlike a certain MLM company I encountered)

3. Those ppl were very civil and well-mannered. Its not just abt the amount of knowledge or ability you have at the end of the day. Its also abt ur character. And those ppl in the meeting had lots of it.

*The main speaker (which i cant rem the name of), even gave me and my buddy at the event a $10 tip. Hehe, we have never been tipped before and probably shouldn't had accepted it, but the guy looks like Santa Claus(literally) and was such a nice grandpa like figure that we couldn't say no... hehehe.

.

I myself attended a workshop this week, it was organized by MA lighting, a company from Germany.

It was really good. We learned more about how the MA software worked and how to program and used the console. We also talked about how to set-up the network system for MA. Of course, there were some question and answer time.

People from different companies in different countries(Thailand, Hongkong.. I cant rem alr. Abt 8 countries in all) was there, even Cirque de Soleil's people was there.

I would have liked to put up pictures here, but seeing that this stupid Sunshine Empire thing might not be fully over here, i shall just put my own face here for now.

That's me and the GrandMA Fullsize!

Photo courtesy of my new found fren's Macbook Pro - Mr.Tee from Thailand!

In my place by Coldplay

2007-11-15T00:54:00.000+08:00

In my place, in my place

Were lines that I couldn't change

I was lost, oh yeah

I was lost, I was lost

Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed

I was lost, oh yeah

And yeah

How long must you wait for it?

Yeah

How long must you pay for it?

Yeah

How long must you wait for it?

For it

I was scared, I was scared

Tired and under prepared

But I wait for it

And if you go, if you go

And leave me down here on my own

Then Ill wait for you

Yeah

And yeah

How long must you wait for it?

Yeah

How long must you pay for it?

Yeah

How long must you wait for it?

Singing please, please, please

Come back and sing to me

To me, me

Come on and sing it out, now, now

Come on and sing it out, to me, me

Come back and sing

In my place, in my place

Were lines that I couldn't change

And I was lost, oh yeah, oh yeah

Coldplay on VH1 Storytellers version:

Sunshine Empire Scam

2007-11-05T01:02:00.000+08:00

Dear blog,

it's 1am at night and there's a thunder storm outside. I should actually be asleep coz i havent sleep much this two days. But as usual I am feeling a little emo coz of the rain. But allow me to rant about something...

Sunshine Empire is a SCAM.

I just attended their conference for the ENTIRE day at Expo hall 2.

Now, i wld never ever step near such a conference unless i am forced to.

Or i am paid to.

I was hired by Unusual to do the lights for them. Man, now i know why they say ppl who do commercial lighting and sound sells their soul.

The stupid international president(IP), James Phang sprouted absolute nonsense for the whole time he was talking(which was like half the day), and so did all his "disciples". They treated this James phang fellow like he was god. I tot i was in some cult service,

It was a surreal experience to go thru their dance and song items. They have something that highly remind me of praise and worship in church. They even address each others as dear brothers and sisters.

The worse part was seeing how they literally worshiped their IP. And he was just gog on and on abt how great he is, how he sacrifice for them and how ppl dun understand a great person like him who dared to be different... blah, blah blah. 90% of the stuff of the presentaion focused on how great he were, and how much he had went thru.

He did things on stage that even till now i cant believe he did.

He sang, danced and acted like he was some sort of international superstar.

They showed a video of him, singing and dancing, with professional dancers ard him, on a stage with professional lighting that wld have been suitable for someone like JJ Lin. Man, it was so unreal that i actually watched the video thru each time they played it, just to make sure i wasnt seeing things.

It was crazy man, just crazy.

I cant even begin to fill in all the nonsense he sprouted. The statistic he quoted was worth billions of dollars, which is impossible one. And he kept talking abt the buildingS they were building all ard the world, and how great they were.

But all i saw were animation of buildings, which suddenly made me realized that he havent actually built anything. He just says he have plans. And he keep saying how no one in the world can match, how everyone is amazed at what they have. Wow lau, pls lah. The pics i saw looked like something remodelled from a normal 5-star hotel loh.

The amount of nonsensical statement he made was staggering. One particularly crazy one was when he said:

"the newspapers claimed that i said i am better then Warren Buffer. That is not true. What I actually said is that I am a legend compared to Warren Buffer. And what's so great about Warren Buffer anyway?"

If that is not the most egoistic and incognitive statement i have ever heard, i dunnoe what is. But ppl ard me was just lapping it up like a bunch of eager puppies. They kept shouting Yes! and Good! at every statement he made. And they kept clapping too.

At the end of the day, I really bua tahan alr, so i started to talk about it with Ben(the very nice video guy from unusual), who was sitting beside me abt this whole Empire thing.

In hush hush tone, we both agreed it was absolute nonsense. Anyone with a morsel of common sense can tell this is all crazy bullshit. But if we can figure it out in a matters of minutes, why cant all those 4000plus ppl in front of us?

Then mr Ben made a statement that actually confrimed something the Holy Spirit had been whispering to me in my heart. the answer is simple, one word: Greed.

You see, the way this fake MLM(muti-level marketing) company works is that say, I invest $10 000, the company will give me back say $1000 per month. And with more ppl i bring, the more money they spend, the more money i get back. Eventually, i will earn back enough to cover my intial investment and then just watch the money keep rolling in. The more i spend the more i get.

Now, this sounds like a wonderful plan. No hard work, no commitment. Just keep bringing customers to the company. And they will pay you back interest that no one on earth can offer you.

But anyone with a morsel of financial sense will st8 away tell you that it is a bubble waiting to burst. Look, money has to come from somewhere. It doesnt just drop out of the sky.

To put it in an ultra simple way, it is generated either thru:

1. labour.( i work for you, you pay me)
2. property.( i either rent or sell you what belongs to me)
3. Investment.( i invest money into what you are doing. And if you make a profit, i make money too. But this requires capitol. And a functional company or project)
4. Inflation. (This is another form of investment, in property or gold or currency.)

But what sunshine empire does is that it simply gurantee you a high return no matter what and in a short span of time. That, my fren, is absolute crap. And it is called a Ponzi scheme.

Every investment will always involve a certain amount of risk and work. And time to grow.

While there will always be freak success like Facebook. It is an exception and not the norm.

Even then, Facebook is actually selling a product; Easy social interaction.

Easy social interaction does not make money. But it does draw ppl. And when you draw ppl to a website. What do you get? A high hit rate. and that brings you? the magic money givers: ADVERTISERS.

Alot of ppl dunnoe this, but advertising is one of the industry that wields the most money. Why? coz its just good business sense. If i mentioned Coca Cola on my blog rite now, your mind is suddenly seized by this urge to grab a red can filled with black-colored liquid.

So anyway, Sunshine empire doesnt have all of that. They just offers you things that are not there. But the twist to them is that they are investing into things. i.e call company and all.

But like i said, this sunshine empire thing is a Ponzi scheme, albeit a more sophisicated one. It is simply unsubstainable.

The high profit return needs to come from somewhere. And unless you have a phenomenal product to offer ppl, there can be no meat in the company.

And that's exactly what they lack; a solid product to offer ppl. Just a network to sell things is not enough to make you money, and definitely not such an absurd amount of money in such a short time.

I am just gog to leave you with some links to read and to chew over.

http://www.firstmillionchallenge.com/sunshine-empire-too-good-to-be-true/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ponzi_scheme

http://newpaper.asia1.com.sg/news/story/0,4136,146133,00.html

http://www.sgclub.com/singapore/multi_level_marketing_32719.html

P.S: I saw some cgls at the conference. I pray with all my heart that they were just there to check it out and they are not supporting this moronic scam that were started by this ego maniacal liar called James Phang.

O ya, and as a reward for reading all the way thru here. Let me prophesy that this company is going to go burst by this time next year. Alot of ppl is gog to get heartbroken.

Chasing Heaven's dream

2007-11-04T02:29:00.000+08:00

Been blogging alot this week.

Probably coz alot of stuff is gog thru my mind.

But anyway, I think pastor Kong's message this week is solid. Just what I needed to hear.

Pst talked abt not letting the "terrors of the night" and other other fear and stuff to rob away your faith and vision from God. And how we need to keep mementos of our victory and promises from God to keep our faith strong.

Haha, which just confirms again that i am a prophet(ok lah, maybe not prophet lah, at least i am prophetic). Just two days before the message was preached i was thinking how we must rem the visions that Heaven gave. And i put this message on my msn, "Never forget the visions God has given to you." Woahahahaha. Don't play play ok. This kind of thing happened alot of times alr ok.

Anyway, I really need to focus and stop being emo. Being emo and in control is gd for me (I function well that way). Being emo and NOT in control is bad. Very bad.

Must keep my eye on the goal, we are getting closer everyday.

Just keep working hard, keep working smart.

Learn, Sacrifice, Pray, Give, Love, Be grateful and we will get there one day!

No other song better describe it then Delirious?'s Stronger:

We're getting stronger everyday
We're getting braver in every way
Hallelujah here we come.

We're getting stronger everyday
Push through the rains that fall our way
Hallelujah here we come.

We're much stronger when we're one
Hallelujah here we come.

Oh, I love You from the depths of my heart
And nothing here will tear us apart.
Everything's beautiful with You
Everything's beautiful
when You invade my life.
And I'm living just to say that 'I love You'.

We're getting closer everyday
Chasing the dreams that heaven gave
Hallelujah here we come.

We're getting closer everyday
Into Your arms I'm here to stay.
We're much stronger when we're one
Hallelujah here we come.

The self-defeating mentality

2007-11-03T04:40:00.000+08:00

I am about to say something that most ppl ard me have not yet realised.

I am a very shy guy.

Its true. I am not bluffing.

I am actually a very reclusive person. I spent my childhood with imaginative friends and books. I used to stay at home alone for weeks, not going out unless I had to.

All that changed when i came to church at 14 years old.

I have been trained to become an extrovert by the church. I can talk like one and act like one if i wanted to.

But i am still a natural introvert. I still like to read a book alone for one whole day. And i dun mind working 24 hrs in a cold dark hall alone, which partly explains why i like to do the less enjoyable element of lighting.

But what i have realised is that nothing can replace the presence of a real and breathing human being beside you. A friend can bring comfort to you like no book or job can.

So now i am learning how to communicate with ppl better. How to build meaningful and strong friendships.

Especially in my interaction with the opposite sex. I have always been extremely shy around girls, not that I am afraid of them, but just that i dun really know how to act around them.

If for example, I like someone, I wun have the guts to ask the person out for a movie. Even if I have asked the person out for a dinner before.

Which is weird.

And if i know that person is free for lunch, I would still hesitate to ask the person out. Coz i am not sure if she would find me a bother.

Which is well, sad.

And even if i want to call the person up everyday, I would not do it. For the same reason as listed above.

That probably explains why i am unattached till now.

I am beginning to think that I am a wimp.