I am just going to say this once,

http://mcyf12.tumblr.com/

the end

well hello to whoever bothers to read this site.

first, i must announce that the death of this site is imminent. Probably by 2011.

second, i did another concert, at bedok. yea, weird place. but we had U-KISS. some really popular korean boyband that you will go "U who?" in 1-2 years time.

and the last thing.... i am going to Hong Kong for the rest of 2010.

i am going there to do laser. That's right, laser.

no, i did not suddenly learn how to use them. I am going to learn how to use laser in HK.

no, its not a training course. it's a pitch for Andy Lau's concert. I might even go on tour with him next year if all goes well.

yes, it means i have to figure out how to use the program in 2 weeks, although an ang mo will come down and do the basic set-up and training for 9 days.

I been sitting thru the dvd tutorial to prepare myself, man, i pity the fellow who had to create it. Every breathe he took was a sigh of boredom. (in case u missed it, i am showing my brilliant command of english again here. 'sigh of boredom', see how u could replace it with 'sign'? but coz i was using the word 'breathe' earlier, it gives the word an extra twist? and if u read it out loud, hear how it rhythms.... okok, its 5.25am, i am sorry.)

What i am trying to say is that watching the dvd was like watching paint dry. although i did learn a lot of useful stuff.

anyway, whatever it is, i will be gone for a really really stressful time. hope i can have fun still, like the fun kind of stress, where u kinda know everything will be ok. instead of the 'everyone is shouting at you coz they sense that it's not going to happen' kind of stress.

o ya, i quit the lighting ministry.

that's it. the greatest eulogy you will ever hear. 9 years of being in it and i can't even be assed to talk about my leaving. that about sums up everything. i am not even happy or sad about it, feel indifference. and that make it extra sad in a way i guess.

(short prediction time - chc lighting will be given over to external party to manage - long term or short term, i dunno. - in the next 5 years.)

so yea, its a week of ending a lot of stuff i guess. here's hoping for bigger and better beginnings.

"It's weird...you know the end of something great is coming, but you want to hold on, just for one more second...just so it can hurt a little more"

Jan Denise

Lights

harlo blog,

i am here to just unload a bit of the excitement of the last week.

I just did a concert.

A real concert. Not those half-past six, non-professional-standard rubbish that schools and churches like to do .

Held at the Singapore Indoor Stadium (SIS), it was a masterful performance by the veteran singer Sammi Cheng.

Everyone from the age of 25-40 knows who she is and has heard her songs before, having seen her up close and personal, i must say she really is a great performer.

She's 38 this year and yet she belts out songs and moves to dance that can match the energy level of any 20 year old pop star.

I wasn't the main programmer of course, that was mr Javier Tan. He was the lighting engineer for the show, and is another big-name lighting designer in the events/concert world.

i learned a lot from observing and working with him.

First of all, i have to say, it's really not easy to do a concert, it's damn exhausting. we worked 16 hrs first day, then 36hrs non-stop after that.

The concentration and mental strength really got to be there. You simply can't slow down, everything moves at a million miles an hour when you are sitting in the programmer seat. No one gives you any slack, everyone expects you to know exactly what you're doing.

I was more than a little stressed by mr Javier.

Although he controlled all the movers on the main rig, i still had 51 movers out on the audience truss, all the generics on stage, hazers, LED pars, a star cloth, three mirror-balls and two lasers to take care of.

He would spend hours programming one song, turn to me, show it to me once. Give me like 5 mins to program the cues, show it to me again, and expects me to know the cue points, then move on.

That's it. I had three chances to see each song. Once to mark cue, once to create cue, third time to practice. Then i didn't see it again till the full dress. Then it was show. I kept thinking to myself that Javier either had a lot of confidence in me, or he was insane.

having to work non-stop for 36 hours, at this kind breakneck speed, almost freaked me out. And i should mention that he wasn't very patient. If i didn't get it right the first time we tried the cues, he got slightly upset. he either think i am some kind of veteran programmer or i am a whizkid. Or maybe he's just used to working with capable people. I don't know. I felt damn stressed.

I guess i understand that we were working under an extremely tight schedule, but i really thought this was madness.

On the other hand, I do like working under pressure. That immense sense of pressure, where no one can help you, where you have to deliver, where you know thousands of people and dozens of really important people are watching you, where it's your career on the line, excites me to no end. i love to be in that situation, it's like drugs to me. Put me under pressure, and i will deliver, no way was i going to mess up at all.

At the end of the day, the concert went really well. I had like one or two wrong cues that was obvious, but that was it. The rest was just tiny little things that i think even Javier didn't notice. The even more important part was that I contributed in many ways. Like pushing up the appropriate lights in unrehearsed situation. Having innovative solution (the mirrorballs motor was on steroids, so javier had said, just don't use them. i came up with this cue that let it spin, stop, spin, stop. We used it in the show.)

I think I gave a good showing of myself, and proved that I can mix it at the top. I definitely didn't felt out of depth. In fact, i felt i belonged. It's the biggest and most stressful shows that excites me. Not sitting in a 500 seater theatre and doing shows that no one gives an ass about. I want the big concerts, the shows that newspaper report on, the names that anyone and everyone will know about.

On a side note, I also thoroughly enjoyed Sammi's performance. She has so many great songs, and is so energetic. And she is a very devoted Christian too. I think 1/5 of her songs were Christian songs. I was thinking, this is the real cultural mandate man, not the silly chest puffing nonsense the church ppl like to do. She felt genuine, just being who she was on stage. A real artist, a real entertainer, doing what she does best, and by just being herself, shows Christ to the world.

I am really glad she is not affliated to chc in anyway to be honest. It shows me that God is bigger and more real than just one church. That the gospel works even away from this one bunch of people. And that's the way it should be, not ALL the christian artist or entertainer should be from chc. It's Jesus Christ we worship, not freaking chc. (Yea, yea, i know it's my own church... I still don't like the way we do things.)

O ya, Her male BV was great too. An amazing vocalist. A Singaporean. I felt proud of him.

To end off, i think it's been a fruitful year, I have done F1, Sammi Cheng, NDR and a whole host of things. I really believe that I will be able to continue to push on to greater things, and it's only November, the year's not over yet.

I just finished reading Stevie G's autobiograghy, which was released in 2006. The one thing that i took away from the book was how incredibly hungry for success he was, and still is. How much he believed that he belonged on the world's biggest stage. I can completely empathise. It's this unquenchable desire to succeed, this insane drive inside of you, it's so strong that it almost hurts.

I don't talk about lighting much these days anymore. But the passion is still firmly there. It's never dimmed. I just been busy working on it.

I am hungry for more. I sincerely believe that I belong at the very top in lighting. Whether it be theatre or concert. I believe i will get there. And i will do anything and everything possible to ge there. Lighting is my obsession, and i will rise to the pinnacle of it.

I can be rather cynical at times.

Ok, fine. Make that very cynical.

But I love my church and I love people. I think I love my family too.

I am not too big on the idea of marriage right now, coz i see a lot of negative examples around me, but I think I could love a woman one day.

I do love what I do, and I don't think of it as a job. I would really like to help more people around me get both education and employment.

I am blessed in many ways, but I have a lot more that I want too.

I think my pastor rocks.

I have more questions and doubts about the Bible and the church than probably your average atheist. But I am willing to accept that we don't always have all the answers, life isn't perfect and that God do work in mysterious ways.

I see people, who apply the principle of the Word that been taught in CHC, happier. Not always the happiest, not always the richest. But they really do seem to get more out of life. If nothing else, they are more at peace with themselves.

I would like to be more at peace with myself.

In spite of all that has happened, I think God loves me too.

I don't always show it, but I love God very much too.

I think tomorrow will be a better day.

So says Hope and all her maidens

Night has rendered me with words impotent,

Staggering seconds pull me nearer to a dawn unawakened

Thanking the rain as it gives me courage to hide,

I find comfort from thoughts yet to be spoken,

It will be soon, it will be soon

So says Hope and all her maidens.

.

A friend lies on her bed, with her eyes wide open

While I seek the warmth of a dream with no vision

Iron-clad feet makes no discretion,

as to whom they owe their burden

It will be soon, it will be soon

So says Hope and all her maidens.

.

Smile too often and delight you may have forsaken,

The prerogative of the loved, is that they might be forgotten

I reach the terminal of what I can entreat

Even then, the words ring like a bell being beaten

It will be soon, it will be soon

So says Hope and all her maidens.

i am supposed to be writing

harlo blog,

it's time for me to do some typing on here.

First of all, i been discovering lots of spammers on my cbox, which i have promptly removed, but it still kind of mystify me as to why my little read blog would get the attention of spammers." But to quote Tom Clancy, "The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense."

Which is a nice little lead up to what i want to talk about today. Fiction writing.

Now, as my avid readers (giggles) will know, I have been deluging myself into this weird and lonely world called fiction writing.

My first publication, Night Fell, made about as much impact as a raindrop on a rhino's hide, which is to say not much.

My second publication, The Door, did significantly better. Culminating in a download count of about 2600+ up till today.

I was encouraged greatly by the 'success' of my second work and was hoping to plough away and complete a much longer, more ambitious piece. Unfortunately, i was soon hit by a barrage of work that included Heritage Fest, Lasalle, UCC and F1. Not that I am complaining, the money is good, and of course F1 was great fun. But I will leave that for another post.

Now that I am finally free, or at least until the next project, I shall try and devote my time back to writing the 3rd story which I hope will blow the mind of whoever reads it. And said person will then proceed to bank transfer me all his/her money.

Ok, maybe the money transfering part ain't gonna happen. but i do hope the mind blowing part does.

And if you are wondering why I am blogging about all this, it's because I just opened my manuscript and the instant i looked at it, i decided to go write something else first. i am the master of self-distraction.

Ciao people, hope i can have a story published by the next time i blog.

I am sorry that I am

"Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist." - George Carlin

Hi.

I am on here to just unload a bit of how i feel.

Tomorrow marks the first day of my involvement with F1. It will definitely be an interesting event to do. I wonder if I will see any races or big name celebrity.

Well, this week marks another first for me - I visited a casino. In Indonesia.

It's actually advertised as a 'cruise'. So me, Joan and Eugene went there, after he convinced us there will be more than gambling on board, happily.

In the end, me and Joan was saying '我们被骗了'.

The miserably tiny ship is just a floating casino for uncles and aunties. Plus, it wasn't smoke free, so i think my life expectation has just been reduced by 10 years.

We also took part in the poker tournament, Eugene played both the main and side event, while i played the side.

I actually did quite well till i got so 'smoked out', literally, by all the second-hand smoke, that i just gave up.

To sum up the experience, I quote an alleged statement by Albert Einstein,

"You cannot beat a roulette table unless you steal money from it."

.

When i got back to Singapore, my sister decided to announce to us that she, her husband and her baby was moving back into our house because her husband found a job in woodlands and they still haven't get their flat.

Just imagine, 7 adults and a crying baby in a 4 room flat. How wonderful.

Naturally, my other sis and i were rather unhappy about this. But were given a lecture by a crying sister that we are now stuck up and unfeeling towards her. That so many people living together is not a 'problem' at all. That if we had suffered before, we would understand.

I felt like slapping her.

First of all, no one ever said no to her moving back. We are just unhappy. Now we can't even be unhappy about having to live with 3 more humans. Second of all, she's just being selfish and self-righteous. O, look my 'rich siblings are complaining about me moving back, I am going to sulk and hate them'. By the way, I am not rich and i don't recall her giving any money to help support our non-working parents at all.

It's not so much a case of me not caring about her, I just think that people need to stop being so dependent on their family. Why does everyone have to live together? People need space. I need space. I already hate the fact that I still have to live with my parents. And i hate the fact that my mum will absolutely go bonkers if i moved out. Someone need to tell her to let go.

Singaporeans need to be more independent.

I prefer the western way of people moving out on their own at 18. If housing wasn't so expensive in SG, I would have been long gone, and I actually think I would have been better for it.

But the situation as it is now, I think I probably have to get married to go anywhere. The pragmatism of it all. Love has died a long time ago.

Anyway, like it or not, she and her entire family will move back. That's for sure. I just have to figure out a way to live somewhere else till they get their flat in 6 - 9 months time.

So yes, I know i sound selfish, but one is entitled to his/her own quality of life. Why should I suffer for my sister? I am pretty sure she won't suffer for me.

I am a realist and I want to have my own life. Deal with it.

if I ever fell in love....

It will most probably be with a friend.

It will be someone rather unexpected.

It will come at a weird time.

It would be someone quite different from me.

It will most likely be a rather slow process.

I probably won't realise it.

Let's talk about me

Hello people,

i am back here to update on what's been happening.

First of all, I been busy, working show after show. Heritage fest was rather fun, with all the rock bands from the past, and Great Spy Experiment. Then we had all the Sg Pop ppl appearing. Last night was a snooze fest, with like a group of middle-aged man singing (really badly) in A Capella style. Then u had a bunch of aunties Scottish kilts and playing windpipes and all. Truly weird way to end.

Then we had National day rally, which was interesting, seeing the way PMO works. But no further comments shall be added here, as I do not want to get arrested. I love PAP; please don't shoot/arrest/sue me.

Then finally, I went to Lasalle to help out with the bump-in of the Spelling Bee musical. The director (who is supposed to have help directed Miss Saigon and Mama mia), Darren Yap was rather nice and seemed to know his stuff. And once again, for one reason or another, I ended up as the unofficial 'mentor' to the lighting designer, who happens to be Petrina dawn tan this time round. I thought it wasn't a terribly impressive musical, and it definitely ain't happy, which the director keep insisting it was. I thought it was more of a satire of how much pressure, expectation and pain parents put upon their children thru their demands and general selfish and irresponsible behaviour.

In between all of this, I been listening to Eminem's new album, Recovery. I think it's a great album and that he has retained his style but yet grown more mature in his music. My two fav track is Love the way you lie feat Rihanna, and Almost Famous. But features female vocalist singing the hook/chorus, and i absolutely love that. Love the way you lie( where Rihanna did a great job btw) is always going to be more popular, even if i think Almost Famous is a better song technically. Coz of a few simple reason. 1. Rihanna. 2. Sexy sexy Megan Fox in the music video. 3. It's just more relatable.

O ya, My short story, The Door has hit 1200 over downloads, and is, at the time of writing, in the top ten "New and Popular" category on Feedbook. I been getting lots of cheap thrills from checking on it daily and seeing the downloads grow... hahaha.

After all of this, I went to Jerry's place to get my 3rd tattoo started. It's going to be a fun piece to do, but doubt that most people will ever see it, since it's on my back. It's really expensive too, but o well, i guess you can't put a price on art.

that's about it. As a parting comment till my next blog post, I shall repeat on here what i said to a vegetarian fren who been telling me that she want to help to save the world by not eating meat - When the world goes down, I am going with it.

Love.